


the contest

by pinktrixie



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, now with pining!, this is just one long orgasm denial fic essentially
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-06-14 04:08:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 22,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15380316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinktrixie/pseuds/pinktrixie
Summary: in a battle of the wills, two platonic best friends go head to head on who can remain 'master of their domain' for the longest. at stake, their dignity, their reputations, their shocking amount of laundry.but who said anything about playing fair?-or-the one based on a seinfeld episode.





	1. menaces to society

**Author's Note:**

> full credit goes to seinfeld, specifically the episode 'the contest' for the concept. it is perhaps one of the greatest episodes of television ever so give it a go. 
> 
> title is from seinfeld, 'the contest' 
> 
> ch. i. title is from seinfled, 'the caddy'

**chapter i. menaces to society**

 

“Trix. Trix. Trixie. Trixia. Trixalicous. Trixieeeeee.” 

 

“Bitch, what?” 

 

“Guess what?” 

 

“What?” Trixie turned her face slightly to the side to look at Katya. Katya shifted forward on her elbows until her nose was almost touching Trixie’s cheek. “What is it?” Katya nuzzled Trixie’s jaw. “I swear if you lick me, Katy-” A squeal erupted from Trixie as Katya licked her cheek. “What the fuck, you absolute rotted cunt!” 

 

“I was just giving you a bit of love.” Katya flopped on top of Trixie, resting her head in Trixie’s lap. “I think I might be drunk.” 

 

“You don’t say,” Trixie said with a laugh. 

 

“I’m also horny.” 

 

“Hm.” 

 

“Are you horny?” Trixie rolled her eyes. “That’s a yes. You know, if you wanted to… we could make out just a little bit.” Katya tugged at Trixie’s shirt. 

 

Trixie shoved Katya upright, giggling. “I’m not making out with you. You’re wearing red lipstick.” 

 

Katya wipes off her lipstick in an exaggerated motion, leaving a red smear on her cheek. 

 

“You literally just smoked.” 

 

“I did not.” 

 

“Katya, you left the balcony open.” Sure enough, the curtains were fluttering from the open balcony doors. 

 

“So what you’re saying is if I didn’t smoke, you’d kiss me.” 

 

“Katya,” whined Trixie, pushing the other woman away as she leaned in again. “You couldn’t not smoke for like 12 hours.” 

 

“Bitch, I have phenomenal self-control. I do yoga. I’m just horny right now.” Trixie let out a scream of laughter, folding into herself. “Are you saying you’re not horny? Because I know that you are just as bad as me.” 

 

“Does everybody have their clothes on?” The question was followed quickly by two sets of footsteps in the front hallway. “‘Cause I swear to God, if you’re not dressed, I’m gonna kick your ass.” Shea appeared in the doorway, Sasha close on her heels with a bottle of vodka. “Oh good, you’re both decent.” 

 

“Well, of course, I’m decent, when am I not?” Trixie dramatically flipped her hair over her shoulder as Katya wheezed out a laugh. “Also, why would we not be dressed?” Trixie grabbed blindly for her drink on the table until Katya pressed it into her hand. “You’re the ones who are dating.” 

 

Shea waved a hand carelessly. “One of these days.” The couple joined Trixie and Katya in the living room, snagging two cups from the counter on their way. 

 

“We brought vodka, and it’s even the good stuff,” Sasha explained as she poured out her and her girlfriend’s drinks. She offered the bottle towards the other two, which Katya gratefully accepted and Trixie wrinkled her nose at. 

 

“Babe, can you put some mixer in mine?” 

 

Sasha rolled her eyes but topped up Shea’s with cranberry juice.

 

“Tvoyo zdorov'ye!” Katya knocked her glass against Sasha’s before taking a long drink. Sasha echoed her and did the same. “Ooh, that was nice. I was getting tired of this gin bullshit.” 

 

“Excuse you!” Trixie clutched a hand to her chest. 

 

Katya opened her mouth to retort but was met by a set of groans from their guests. 

 

“This is why I asked if everyone was decent.” Shea shook her head, not unlike a disapproving teacher. “What were you two cackling about when we got in?” 

 

“Trixie doesn’t think I’ve got any self-control.” 

 

“I never said that!” 

 

“Uh-huh.” 

 

“Nuh-uh.” 

 

“Uh-huh.” 

 

“Nuh-uh.”

 

“Uh-”

 

“Children!” Sasha interjected, slamming her glass down on the table. 

 

Katya stuck her tongue out at Trixie before continuing.”Trixie said that I’m always horny and smoke too much.” 

 

“Neither of those are false.” 

 

“Sasha, you’re supposed to be on my side!” 

 

“Ha! I was right!” Trixie poked at Katya’s side until she squirmed away. 

 

“Yeah, sorry, but I’ve gotta side with them, Kat,” Shea said, “you spend most of your time either smoking or bringing back girls when you’re not working.” Katya mimed a dagger to the heart, falling to her knees and slumping against the coffee table. 

 

Then slowly she raised her head. “Just because everybody wants a piece of this pussy, and you’re all jealous, does not a lack of self-control make.” The other three all let out a snort of laughter. “Why I bet I could go the longest of the four of us to remain ‘master of my domain’.” 

 

“Why not just quit smoking?” Sasha offered, pouring herself another drink. 

 

Katya waved her away. “No, no, because I’m the only one who smokes.” 

 

“So?” 

 

“Are you really telling me that you don’t, you know?” Katya gestured towards Sasha’s pelvis vaguely. 

 

“Unlike you, Casanova, we are in a happily, sexually active relationship.” Shea tugged Sasha closer to press a kiss to her girlfriend’s head. 

 

“Fine, fine, whatever, be gross and in love. But I maintain what I said, I bet remain ‘master of my domain’, ‘king of the county’, ‘lord of the manor’, ‘queen of the castle’ longer than any of you.” Katya swung her free arm around the room, her elbow catching against Trixie’s shoulder. “Like you two are all over each other constantly, and you’re in between relationships, Trix, so you must be all over that.” 

 

“You do realize that my bedroom is right next to yours, right? I know how frequently you are not ‘master of your domain’. I would wipe the floor with you.” Trixie leaned in close to Katya, her eyes flashing with amusement and something else. 

 

“Wanna make it interesting?” 

 

“Please don’t,” Shea called from across the table, extracting herself slightly from her girlfriend. “Remember the Gin Flinch incident?” Two identically nauseated expressions crossed Trixie and Katya’s faces as they recalled the time they did continuous gin shots until one of the pulled a face. (Spoiler: it was Trixie after 7 shots) “Yes, see, that’s why this isn’t a good idea.” 

 

“Loser does laundry for a month?” Katya ignored Sasha and Shea’s groans, practically nose to nose with Trixie. 

 

“Two. And loser buys dinner for a week.” 

 

“You’re on.” 

 

xxx 

 

Trixie rolled on to her side with a groan and instantly regretted it as the sun shone in her eyes. With a few muttered curses, she managed to haul herself out of bed and shuffle towards the kitchen. Katya was already up and bustling around the kitchen, her hair wet. 

 

“Morning,” Trixie moaned, sliding into one of the bar stools. “So much for a casual night in.” 

 

“I think Shea and Sasha went out, but we may have pre’d a bit too hard.” 

 

“Did we play Gin Flinch again?” Trixie pressed her cheek against the cool countertop, sighing with relief, her eyes fluttering closed. 

 

Katya nudged a glass of water against her face. “Think so. It’s admittedly blurry.” 

 

“I hate us from 6 hours ago.” Trixie suddenly shot up, staring suspiciously at Katya. “Did we bet on something?” Katya leaned against the counter and nodded slowly. “We signed something, didn’t we?” Trixie hurried to the living room, where sure enough there was a piece of paper ripped out of one of Katya’s sketchbooks. She brought it back to the kitchen where Katya was painstakingly chopping veggies for omelets. “I, Beatrix? You spelled my name wrong, Katya.” 

 

“Huh? What is it? Beatrice?” She spelled it out slowly. 

 

“You spelled it with an x.” Trixie shoved the paper towards Katya. 

 

“That’s not my handwriting. Looks like yours.”

 

“Is not.” 

 

“I don’t write my a’s like that, but you do, cause you’re trash.” 

 

“Oh god, I spelled my own name wrong.” 

 

“That dyslexia, it’ll getcha.” Trixie let out a low moan, dropping back into her seat. 

 

She picked the piece of paper back up and continued reading, “And I, Yekaterina Petrovna Zamolodchikova, how did I spell your living nightmare of a name right, but not my own goddamned first name.” 

 

“Don’t worry, Trixie, I’ll still love you even if you’re illiterate.” Katya patted her gently on the head. “Mushrooms and cheese?” 

 

“Yes, please. Okay, so us, pledge to do the laundry for a month and buy dinner for a week for the victor if I am the first to have an orgasm by my hand. Jesus fuck, is this because you haven’t got self-control? Is that why we’re doing this? Also, Katya, what the fuck, did you sign this in blood?” Trixie gestured to a dark red smudge in the vague shape of a K. 

 

Katya leaned across the counter and stared at it with an appraising eye. “Hm, yeah, how else would you sign such an important document?”

 

“With a pen, like a freaking human being?” Trixie shot back. “You’re totally gonna lose, by the way.” 

 

“You wish.” Katya shoved a plate of a mangled omelet towards Trixie. “Enjoy, you rotted cunt, cause you’re gonna be cooking me dinner for a week soon.” 

 

“As if.” Trixie let out a moan as she took her first bite. 

 

“Hm, what was that? Was that you conceding?” Katya whirled around, wildly waving her spatula. 

 

Trixie pinned her with a withering stare. “You’re the one who can’t keep it in her pants.” 

 

“The ladies love me,” Katya shrugged, “what can I say? I’m a catch.” 

 

“Yeah, you’d catch something for sure.” 

 

Katya swatted at Trixie with the spatula. “I got rid of that like a month ago and you know it.” 

 

“Uh-huh.” 

 

“Get ready to lose.” 

 

“Wanna make it even more interesting?” Katya nodded eagerly, practically hanging off the edge of the counter now. “We each put in $100 and winner takes all.” 

 

“Do you even have $100?” 

 

Trixie slapped at Katya’s hand creeping towards her breakfast. “It won’t even matter because I’m not gonna lose.” 

 

“I’ve seen your box you hide under your bed, you’ve got all sorts of tools hidden away.” 

 

“This coming from the woman with a ropes system almost constantly rigged to her headboard.” 

 

“If you wanted to get tied up,” Katya waggled her eyebrows at Trixie, “all you had to do was ask.” 

 

The bright pink spots that bloomed in Trixie’s cheeks made the entire contest worth it in Katya’s opinion. But she was definitely not losing.  


	2. tuesday has no feel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ch. ii title from "the sniffing accountant"

**chapter ii. tuesday has no feel**

 

_day one_

 

“No, ma’am, I’m sorry but you can’t mix those two sets of sheet music for the deal. It has to come from this box.” Trixie fought back an eye roll as a blonde nightmare inhaled sharply for another long-winded reprimand. As the soccer mom launched into a critique of Trixie’s professionalism, Trixie fully spaced out, her gaze landing on the gorgeous pink Fender she’d been saving for.

 

“Are you even listening?” The screech broke Trixie from her fantasies of playing her own songs on that guitar in front of sold-out crowds.

 

“Hm?”

 

“This is ridiculous! Where is your manager?”

 

“Jeff! Hey, Jeff, this lady has some questions for you about the buy one get one free for sheet music over here.” Her boss looked up from his crossword with sleepy eyes. A scowl developed on his face as he noticed the suburban mom behind Trixie. Trixie sauntered past Jeff at the counter. “I’m off for the evening. Have fun!”

 

Jeff grunted in response, waving her off with his paper.

 

After retrieving her bag and car keys, Trixie dug her phone out as she walked towards her beat up old car.

 

_Trixie Mattel [5:57 pm]: hey bitch, i’m done with work and i need a cocktail_

 

_Russian Whore [5:59 pm]: i’m home rn._

_Russian Whore [6:00 pm]: did you change my name again????_

_Russian Whore [6:00 pm]: i’m clearly a HIGH CLASS whore_

 

_Trixie Mattel [6:01 pm]: lol_

 

_Katya Zamo [6:02 pm]: you’re buying first round_

 

_Trixie Mattel [6:04 pm]: you’re the one with a real job though_

_Trixie Mattel [6:05 pm]: Queen’s Arms at 6:30?_

 

_Katya Zamo [6:07 pm]: you’re on_

 

Trixie bit back a curse as some asshole cut her off.

 

_Trixie Mattel [6:10 pm]: we need a new plague_

 

_Katya Zamo [6:11 pm]: but then zombies would rule the earth_

 

_Trixie Mattel [6:14 pm]: they’d eat you first so i’d be okay with that_

 

_Katya Zamo [6:17 pm]: rude_

 

_Trixie Mattel [6:20 pm]: I’m in the parking lot. come out_

 

Within a minute of her parking and getting out of her car, her best friend came flying out of the building in a whirl of brown, red and blonde. Katya skidded to a halt in front Trixie, a wide grin stretching her face.

 

“Katya, did you give yourself a haircut again?” Trixie asked with a long-suffering sigh, reaching out to run her fingers through Katya’s choppy hair.

 

“I finished my class early so I was bored. You know, normally, if I was home alone and bored, I’d, you know, you know.” Katya looped an arm around Trixie’s waist as they started walking towards the bar on the corner. “But alas, I hate doing the laundry more, so no satisfaction for me. Are you still master of your domain?”

 

Trixie cast an incredulous look Katya’s way before saying, “I’ve been at work most of the day, when would I have time?”

 

“There’s a private office isn’t there?” Trixie nodded warily. “Well, there you go.”

 

“I’m not having sex in Jeff’s office.” Trixie shuddered at the thought, her body still pressed against Katya’s. “And anyway, who’d I be having sex with in Jeff’s office? Jeff? He wishes.”

 

“I’d do it,” Katya said casually as if she was commenting on the weather. Much to Trixie’s relief, her thick hair completely hid her face from her friend as she was sure that her cheeks were bright pink. Trixie let out a noncommittal hum as she tried to keep her gaze forward.

 

Trixie was acutely aware of the press of Katya’s body against hers but she was quick to push that line of thinking as far away as possible. She couldn’t deal with her own existential emotional crisis at the moment.

 

Katya extracted herself from Trixie’s side when they reached the bar. Trixie briefly mourned the loss of Katya’s warmth, but any thoughts of the reason escaped Trixie as she was bombarded by the noise of the bar.

 

The pair situated themselves on one end of the bar, their knees knocking together in the closeness. Most of the people around the bar were like them, young, pseudo-artsy types with real-life boring jobs. The men wore button up and the women wore crisp blouses and everybody sipped at overpriced beers.

 

Katya waved the bartender over, practically throwing herself over the bar.

 

“Katya!” Adore, the bartender, greeted happily, gently pushing Katya back into her seat. “And Trixie! My favorite blondes!”

 

Both blondes flashed smiles and echoed her greetings. Adore babbled cheerfully about her hair color as she prepared their drinks, occasionally responding to a customer further down the bar.

 

“I’ll catch ya later, blondies! Enjoy!” She hurried away in a flurry of curse words and flannel.

 

As she took her first sip, Trixie slid further down in her seat, the alcohol slowly working its way through her system. “Ah, just what I needed.”

 

“Stressful day?”

 

“Just dumb and boring. I’m just a bit tense.”

 

Katya’s eyes lit up at that and she moved closer to Trixie. With her mouth practically against Trixie’s ear, she mumbled, “I can think of something to relieve that tension.”

 

Trixie let out a burst of laughter before leaning away from Katya. “In your dreams.”

 

“You have no idea what I do in my dreams.”

 

“Because I’m pretty sure it would give me nightmares.”

 

“Rude.”

 

“Can I just,” somebody tapped on Trixie’s shoulder gently, “you two are such a cute couple?”

 

Trixie’s mouth dropped open slightly as she turned to look at the intruder. A pretty redhead smiled at them, holding hands with an equally pretty woman slightly behind her. “Oh, uh, we’re not together.”

 

“Yeah,” Katya surged forward to rest her chin on Trixie’s shoulder. “We’re perfectly platonic best friends.”

 

The other two women looked between them doubtfully but finally said, “Oh, alright, never mind then.”

 

Katya remained draped over Trixie as they watched the couple retreat.

 

“Bizarre,” Trixie said with a laugh.

 

“I know, I just don’t get it. We’re so not a couple.”

 

“You wish, Kat. Now get off of me.”

 

“Are you sure you don’t want me to,” Katya paused, wiggling her eyebrows for effect, “get you off?”

 

“I want you to do my laundry, so….”

 

“It’s just not gonna happen, Trixalicious.”

 

xxx

 

_day two_

 

Katya had decided the universe hated her on this particular Tuesday. It seemed to have it out for her, but not in the typical, oh my clothes are ruined, it’s raining kind of hate. More like the whole ‘I’m trying to win a bet about not masturbating and I woke up horny’ kind of hate. And in a dreadful twist of fate, she had almost nothing to do today.

 

She tried to keep busy, but Trixie had left early in the morning for her shift at the music store and yoga did nothing to focus her mind. She managed to slap some random paint on a canvas, but then she realized she was just drawing boobs.

 

She tried to grade her papers, but that just made her annoyed with her students who clearly had not done their readings.

 

Thankfully, blessedly, salvation came in the form of a text from Courtney inviting her out to lunch.

 

At least she couldn’t lose the bet in a public place.

 

But then again, Courtney was pretty hot. Just like her face alone was phenomenal.

 

“No, focus.” Katya shook her head violently. “You’ve got this, Zamolodchikova.”

 

Twenty minutes later, Katya found herself sitting across from the Aussie in some hip new vegan restaurant, sipping dandelion tea.

 

“So how’s the singing business going?” Katya asked idly.

 

Courtney let out a snort. “The singing business? Clever. I’m working on a couple of new projects. Actually, Trixie plays guitar, right?” Katya nodded. “Oh amazing, I need somebody to play some backing music for me in like a week, do you think she’d do it?”

 

“Bitch, of course. I’ll text her right now and ask.” Katya dug around her purse for a long moment eventually finding it wedged between a half-eaten granola bar and a stack of papers.  She shot off a quick text to her roommate before turning back to Courtney.

 

“So when are you two gonna get your acts together?”

 

“Hm? Oh, Trix? We’re totally just platonic friends.”

 

“Don’t play dumb. You two are the least platonic people I’ve ever met.” When Katya rolled her eyes and looked away, Courtney grabbed her hand in an attempt to get Katya’s attention. “Kat, that girl practically looks at you like you hung the moon and you look at her like she hung the stars.”

 

Katya wrenched her hand away from Courtney in irritation. She had had this conversation too many times. She did not have feelings for her best friend. “I do not look at her like that and she doesn’t look at me like that. And anyway, I don’t do relationships. I’m just here for the physical.”

 

“And I hear you’re not even getting that anymore because of Trixie.”

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“This whole ridiculous contest thing you two are doing. You’re totally going to lose by the way.”

 

“How did you even hear about that?”

 

Courtney waved a hand dismissively. “Oh, I think Adore heard it from Shea and Sasha and then she told Bianca who told me. And Bianca also wanted me to tell you two, ‘to stop being such assholes and just fuck each other already before somebody loses an eye’.” Courtney rasped out in a vaguely accurate version of Biana. “‘Assholes!’” She added, hoping to get a laugh out of Katya.

 

There was a long moment before Katya burst into laughter, pounding on the table. Her display drew the gazes of the other patrons who looked upon her in all their vegan disaprovingness.

 

“You’re all absolutely rotted.”

 

“So when are you going to concede?”

 

“Bitch, I’m not losing.”

 

“You literally pull at least twice a week and then you’ve got all of your little friends. You’re not going to last the week.”

 

“Wanna bet?”

 

“Unlike you, I enjoy having sex and have no desire to deprive myself.”

 

“What? No, no, you don’t need to do the contest, but how about if I last the week, you have to hire Trixie for the rest of your live gigs for a month.”

 

Courtney narrowed her eyes. “Okay, first off, that’s not a punishment for me. Trixie’s got talent, unlike some people.” She stared pointedly at Katya. “And secondly, that is such a girlfriend move it’s actually making me a little bit nauseous. And thirdly, I’m not getting involved in your bet, but I will see how Trixie does next week and I’ll see what I can do.”

 

Katya just stuck her tongue out in response.

 

Her phone buzzed against the table and she quickly opened it, assuming it was Trixie.

 

“Fuck.”

 

Courtney looked up in concern. “What happened? Is something wrong?”

 

“Huh? Oh, no, uh, just take a look.”

 

She slid the phone across the table to Courtney, who looked at the screen, her mouth falling open. “Katya! That is so not appropriate!”

 

“It’s not me! It’s just a friend. Who apparently wants to kill me. With beautiful pictures. Of her. With no clothes on.”

  
_Fuck, it was only day two._ Katya was going to die. It was official. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is a fairly low key chapter, we'll ease them into it. future chapters will likely be more, er, explicit, let's say. 
> 
> love to hear from you all! 
> 
> much love, b


	3. it's fun, very monastic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some backstory! and angst!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ch. iii. title from "the soup"

**chapter iii. It’s fun, very monastic**

 

_ day five  _

 

The rest of the week passed by in a blur for Trixie. If she was being entirely honest, the whole contest with Katya barely even registered in her mind. Maybe that was just a testament to how long it had been since she had been in a relationship. No, it probably wasn’t that. That would be sad. 

 

She was just busy, she insisted. She had better things to do than lay about in bed all day moaning about how she couldn’t get herself off. Better things to do like stare longingly at that gorgeous guitar in the window of the shop that she would never own. Or rush to low paying backing gigs that funded her ability to someday produce her own music. 

 

That was it. Trixie had been busy with her job and was simply too tired to deal with this whole contest deal. 

 

Katya, on the other hand, was acutely aware of it, but she was powering through on pure spite. She would not fall prey to others expectations of her. And plus, she really wanted to have Trixie do her laundry for a month. Although Katya didn’t mind doing the laundry, it was actually kind of soothing in some ways. But the way Trixie did it was just better. She used the nice dryer sheets that Katya always forgot about and she somehow always managed to make it smell like lavender. 

 

Katya itched for it, mainly out of boredom. She was so used to action, to always be in the middle of something, that this felt strangely like stagnation.

 

But perhaps there would be some upsides. On Wednesday night, she had been feeling, rather, uh, frustrated, and googled ‘benefits of orgasm denial’. After scrolling through too many results about the male sexual response, Katya had firmly convinced herself that this was a brilliant plan for even better sex. 

 

After a long day cooped up in the library, Katya stumbled into their apartment, loudly dropping her bag on the ground, her books making a satisfying thunk on the floor. 

 

“Lucy, I’m home!” Katya called into the apartment as she tugged off her boots. But there was no response. It was almost creepily quiet in the apartment. “Trix?” She was met by silence. In a moment, her heart rate began to rise steadily and she blindly reached for some kind of weapon. 

 

The best she could find was one of Trixie’s freaky high heels with a rather dangerous spike heel. She gripped it as best she could and crept deeper into her home. There was a low groaning noise coming from the living room and Katya was fully convinced that the Chinese takeout that lived in the back corner of their fridge had finally become a fully developed life form. 

 

She ran into the living room with a war cry and the shoe raised high above her head. 

 

“What the fuck!” 

 

“Trixie!” 

 

“Is that my shoe?” 

 

“I thought you were the Chinese food!” 

 

“The what?” 

 

“The sentient Chinese food?” 

 

“Why are you carrying my shoe around?” 

 

“It’s a weapon!” 

 

“You’re going to take your eye out!” 

 

“Am not! You didn’t say anything when I came in!” Trixie gestured roughly to the headphones covering one of her ears with a pencil. “Oh! Oh! Are you writing again? That’s brilliant! I’m so happy for you, Trixie! Maybe all this sexual frustration is good for the creative process.” 

 

Trixie shifted in the chair until she was fully facing her roommate. “Take a breath, Kat,” She said with a breathy chuckle. “I’m just messing around. Nothing too serious. You know I haven’t really been able to write much since… you know.” 

 

“Ah yes, you’re one of those dramatic singer-songwriter types. You need some devastating heartbreak in order to be appropriately angsty and emo.” 

 

“You’re so fucking rude, you know that?” Trixie slapped at Katya’s hip as Katya moved further into the kitchen. “Hey, Kim’s having a party tonight, if you want to come?” 

 

“Hm? Oh, no, sorry, I told Alaska I’d go out for drinks with her.” Katya had busied herself with the kettle so she didn’t notice the brief flash of regret in Trixie’s eyes. 

 

Trixie tapped her pencil against the edge of her notepad, her eyes fixated on the top corner. “Oh, right, cool.” 

 

“So what were you working on?” Katya turned back to Trixie and made a motion towards her notebook. 

 

Trixie quickly shut the notebook. “Oh, just a couple ideas. I don’t think it’ll go anywhere.” She tugged it into her lap under the table. “I should probably go get ready.” 

 

“Oh right, I need to go meet Alaska soon.” 

 

Trixie was halfway to her room when Katya called after her, “Don’t go and meet the love of your life! ‘Cause you’re not gonna be able to fuck them!” 

 

“Unlike you, I don’t give it up on the first date!” Trixie sang back over her shoulder, smiling at the sound of Katya’s wheezing laugh. 

 

The past week had somehow managed to confuse their relationship even further than it already was. At least in Trixie’s mind. 

 

She would fully admit to having a little bit of a crush on the other blonde when they first met. And then Katya had started talking and Trixie was convinced she had met her platonic soulmate. For the four years she had known Katya, those feelings remained fully platonic. 

 

But then Katya had to go and ruin it. 

 

Unintentionally of course. 

 

xx 

 

_ five months ago, new years eve _

 

Trixie giggled as she did another shot with Kim, who was practically hanging off her shoulder in an attempt to stay upright. “You are an actual mess, Kimberly.” 

 

Kim just managed to stick her tongue out at Trixie before stumbling over towards Shea and Sasha who were clearly trying to have a moment. Trixie out a screeching laugh as she intercepted the couple. 

 

“What a pussy block,” she chuckled under her breath. She turned back to the party in search of the rest of her friends. Pearl had sequestered herself in the corner with the music while Adore and Bianca had long left (after Bianca had bitched all night about how there were too many fucking millennials). 

 

But before she could look for anyone else, a body slammed into hers. 

 

“Care for a fucking, Tracy?” Katya rasped in her ear, causing a slight shiver to go down Trixie’s spine. 

Trixie twisted in Katya’s hold so they were face to face. “I was just looking for you.” 

 

“I need a smoke break.” 

 

“You always need a smoke break.”

 

“Come along, Barbara.” Katya tugged Trixie behind her, dragging her through the crowd. A glance at the clock projected on one wall revealed it to be four minutes to midnight. Katya stumbled slightly in her heels, clutching tightly to Trixie’s hand. 

 

Finally, they managed their way into the backyard where a few other people were clustered in small groups smoking. 

 

The weather had been shockingly warm for January, so much so it almost made Trixie miss the white winters in Wisconsin. There was always something reassuring about the white snow over the forests and the quiet it provided. 

 

Somebody had strung fairy lights across the fences, creating an almost ethereal effect. Trixie stared up at the faux ceiling where she could almost see the faint light of the few stars that were visible in the city. She missed the stars too. 

 

“Penny for your thoughts?” Katya’s voice, with a slight slur, cut through Trixie’s vague feelings of homesickness. A cigarette dangled from her red lips. 

 

“Just admiring the lights.” Katya hummed in response, her unfocused eyes glancing upwards. The pair stood in comfortable silence as Katya smoked. The other people outside began to drift inside as the clock ticked closer to midnight. “Another year gone by, huh?” 

 

“And a new one to come.” 

 

“And we’re both still single.” 

 

“Don’t have to be.” 

 

Trixie turned sharply to Katya. “What’re you talking about?” 

 

“What if we went out?” 

 

“Katya,” Trixie began softly, her heart racing. Her eyes locked on Katya’s, which were having serious trouble focusing. 

 

“Trixie,” the other girl echoed, her cigarette free hand coming up to brush away one of Trixie’s curls that fell loose. 

 

Inside, somebody started the countdown. 

 

_ 20!  _

 

“You’re so pretty.” 

 

“Right backatcha.” 

 

_ 15!  _

 

Katya blew out a ring of smoke towards the lighted ceiling. Trixie watched it dissipate in the January air. 

 

_ 10!  _

 

Katya stubbed out her cigarette. 

 

_ 9!  _

 

Her fingers caressed Trixie’s cheek. Trixie rested a hand on Katya’s hip. 

 

_ 8!  _

 

“Katya, I’m really glad you’re in my life.” 

 

_ 7!  _

 

“Same here, mama.” 

 

_ 6! _

 

The noise inside the house started to peak with people scrambling to find somebody. 

 

_ 5!  _

 

“Trixie?” 

 

_ 4!  _

 

“Hm?” 

 

_ 3!  _

 

“Wanna be my midnight kiss?” 

 

_ 2!  _

 

“Huh?” 

 

_ 1!  _

 

There was a burst of noise inside but Trixie didn’t notice it. 

 

She was much more preoccupied with the feeling of Katya’s lips against hers. Katya cupped her jaw with a gentleness that almost seemed out of character with Katya’s normal exuberance. Their lips moved easily in tandem with each other as if they had been doing this forever. 

 

One of them moaned, she wasn’t sure which one and it didn’t even matter. 

 

Trixie brought up her free hand to tangle in Katya’s unruly hair. 

 

Katya’s tongue grazed her bottom lip. Trixie leaned in closer to Katya, pressing their hips together. 

 

But then the back door banged open and the crashing noise shocked both of them apart. Trixie stared dazedly at Katya as two boys puked into the bushes. 

 

xx

 

_ present day _

 

But Katya didn’t remember. When they had spoken the next day, Katya mentioned kissing somebody, but she couldn’t quite recall who. Trixie didn’t have the courage to talk to Katya about it. 

 

The crux of the matter was that the kiss had somehow triggered something within Trixie. After that moment, and maybe even before that, her feelings towards Katya had shifted. 

 

There was a reason that Trixie hadn’t been on many dates recently. There was a reason she hadn’t been in a relationship for over nine months. Trixie had a rather unfortunate crush on her best friend, but she couldn’t bring herself to do anything about it. There was too much at stake.

 

She was in the process of applying her lipstick when she heard the front door open and close loudly. It was for the best that she not spend more time with Katya tonight. She was feeling too open and emotional after her long songwriting session. She might do something she regretted. 

 

It was better to just go and party with Kim and whoever else was around and not linger on her own issues. 

 

xx

 

_ day six _

 

Trixie curled up on the couch with a cup of tea while the TV played quietly in the background the next morning. She hadn’t been able to get over her emotional state yesterday and only lasted at Kim’s until 11:30 before calling it quits. Katya had come home noisily around 3 in the morning, banging around in the hallway and the kitchen, much to Trixie’s irritation. 

 

Katya emerged from her bedroom, her hair sticking up in all sorts of strange directions and a set of dark circles underlining her blue eyes. 

 

“Morning.” Trixie greeted, covering her smile with her mug. “You were out late last night.” Katya let out a non-committal grunt as she dropped onto the couch next to Trixie. “There’s tea on the stove if you want.” Katya made another groan, leaning onto Trixie. 

 

“I think I’m in love.” 

 

Trixie recoiled slightly. “You’re in love?” 

 

“Yes, love, Trixabeth. I met the perfect woman last night.” 

 

“Is this you tapping out of the contest?” Trixie asked with a half smile quirking up one corner of her mouth. 

 

“Bitch, please.” Katya pinched Trixie’s side. “No, I met this girl last night. She’s everything I could ever want in a girl. She’s a fucking beat poet. Like a straight up 90s beatnik. I would literally fuck the shit out of her.” 

 

“Ah yes, I can see why a poet would be interested in you.” Trixie chuckled drily, her fingers tight around her mug. “Such grace and eloquence.” 

 

“You rotted cunt, I am beauty and grace personified. But I got her number and I’m gonna ask her out.” Katya flipped her arm over to reveal the digits printed on her wrist. 

 

“Looks like you’re doing my laundry.” 

 

“Am not.” 

 

“So you’re just gonna tell this girl what, that you’re strict, practicing Catholic?” 

 

Katya’s face fell for a moment before she shook herself out of it. “I’ll say I’m an Amish.” 

 

“An Amish? That doesn’t even make sense.” 

 

“You don’t make sense.” 

 

The two burst into laughter after a long beat, each curling in on the other, clutching at each other.    

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long! has been an incredibly busy time as of late! 
> 
> also surprise, have your orgasm denial with light angst. you're welcome. 
> 
> much love, b


	4. the haunting memory of lost love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katya figures out she might have emotions and goes on a date with her poet. Trixie sings a bit and decides to go on a date. And Adore and Bianca both might slap a bitch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ch. iv. title from "The Burning"
> 
> the song trixie sings is "Better Get to Livin'" by Dolly Parton

**chapter iv. the haunting memory of lost love**

 

_ day six  _

 

Katya did text that girl she met (Tatianna, Trixie later learned) by the afternoon and had a date set up by the evening. She was still working out how she could manage to avoid her usual policy of quick and dirty first date. 

 

So far she had come up with saving herself for marriage (which would then limit everything), saying she was a member of a cult (which did have great possibilities), saying she was on her period (which seemed unprogressive) or just not going on the date. 

 

Or as Trixie suggested, “Just don’t try and have sex with her on the first date.” Which seemed ridiculous. 

 

But alas, that seemed to be the most reasonable option. 

 

Once Katya had gotten her date all set for the following day, she had declared she was in need of a movie marathon. Trixie had dragged her ridiculous amount of pillows out of her bedroom while Katya supplied the blankets and they created a pillow fort in the middle of their living room. 

 

After a long discussion (read: argument), which had to end in a coin flip, Katya started the first Indiana Jones movie while Trixie made popcorn. 

 

Soon the pair were cuddled within the pillow fort, legs pressed against one another. 

 

Trixie drifted off towards the end of the first one, resting her head on Katya’s shoulder. As Katya mumbled to herself about the ridiculous start of the second movie, she shifted Trixie down onto her lap, threading her fingers through her long blonde hair. 

 

She tried to focus on the movie, but admittedly, her mind was wandering. This may be the longest period Katya had gone without some sort of ‘relief’ since she was a teen. It was starting to take a toll on her. She could feel herself becoming increasingly aware of any sort of sexual contact, or human contact in general. 

 

That line of thinking was dangerous. It would be so easy just to fail, to just give up. But she couldn’t do that. It was now the principle of the thing more than anything else. 

 

She glanced down at Trixie in her lap, her dark lashes gently fluttering against the tops of her cheeks. For once, there was no makeup covering up Trixie’s freckles, creating constellations.

 

She could hear the explosions of the movie in the background, but in that moment, she was much more interested in the patterns of Trixie’s freckles. She wanted to trace them, draw out the shape of the stars.

 

And her lips, her lips were the perfect shade of pink. They looked so kissable - wait, what? She didn’t want to kiss Trixie. Sure, sometimes when they were both drunk they might share a quick peck, but that was just friendly. She didn’t want to kiss Trixie. Trixie was her best friend. 

 

Katya needed to get away from Trixie. She didn’t do relationships and feelings. She couldn’t have these thoughts about Trixie. 

 

Katya scrambled away, displacing Trixie from her lap. She quickly stood to her feet even as Trixie sat up, rubbing at her eyes. 

 

“You okay?” Trixie asked, her voice heavy with sleep. Katya stood on the other end of the room, unable to meet Trixie’s eyes. “Katya?” 

 

“Hm, yeah, sorry, just needed the bathroom. Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you up.” Katya turned away from Trixie, a knot forming in the pit of her stomach. She didn’t want to deal with this. She couldn’t deal with this. She needed to be away from Trixie, or just like not in the proximity to think about her in a sexual fashion. 

 

Fuck, she needed some relief. It so was not fair for her to put that on Trixie. 

 

Trixie squinted after Katya. There was something off in Katya’s voice, but she wasn’t sure what. Maybe the other girl was just a bit tense from the contest. 

 

xx 

 

“Hey there, I’m the Girl Scout merit badge in basket-weaving that eludes you to this day, Trixie Mattel!” Trixie waved from behind her guitar, looking out over the small bar. Her eyes landed on Katya who was nursing a drink at the bar with Bianca and Adore. “Now I know you’re all here to see the lovable thunder from Down Under, Courtney Act, but I’m here to get you all prepped and ready for her fabulousness!” She began to strum her guitar slowly as the crowd focused partially on her. 

 

_ “People always comin' up to me and askin' "Dolly, what's your secret? With all you do, your attitude Just seems to be so good _ ,” Trixie sang into the microphone, swaying slightly under the dim lighting. 

 

Katya fought back a grin as Trixie performed in her whole pink Barbie Dolly getup in the middle of a hipster bar. 

 

“What’s got you so smiley, Ruskie?” Bianca nudged Katya with her elbow. Katya twisted in her seat to face the older woman. “I know for a fact you haven’t gotten any in ages.”

 

“Aw, leave Kat alone!” Adore draped herself over Bianca’s shoulder. “Maybe this will cause the sexual tension between you two to finally bubble over and you two can fuck each other.” 

 

Katya blanched at that, her mouth falling open. “What - who - what the fuck are you talking about?” 

 

Adore waved a hand dismissively at her. “Oh, you and Barbie up there. If you two get each other off, who would win the contest? I guess it would depend on who came first, huh? Could be hot.” Adore flashed a winning smile at Katya, resting her chin on her girlfriend’s shoulder. “So, yeah, when are you gonna tap that ass, Kat?” 

 

“Can’t you tell she’s clearly waiting until they both have grey hairs, some sort of fucked up kink shit you’ve got going on there, Zamolodchikova.” 

 

“You’re both horrible,” screeched Katya with a burst of laughter, “both absolutely rotted, you deserve each other!” She slapped away Adore’s hand, reaching out to ruffle her hair. “There’s nothing going on between Trixie and I!” 

 

“Then you better get that lovestruck look off your face everytime she pulls out her whole Dolly Parton gig.” Bianca shrugged Adore off of her and ordered another round. “I need more alcohol to deal with your thickheadedness.” 

 

Katya pouted, but accepted the drink nonetheless. Trixie transitioned to some more mainstream acoustic song which the crowd seemed to like. A cursory survey of the bar revealed an awful lot of people watching Trixie with mooneyes, some swaying along to her song, some singing along with her. 

 

“You know, it’s not like a bad thing to admit you have feelings for Trixie,” said Adore as she dropped into the seat on Katya’s other side. She leaned in conspiratorially. “It took me ages to ask out Bianca, and look how happy we are.” 

 

“Adore, I don’t have feelings for Trixie. Sure, she’s a hot piece of ass, but she’s just a friend. Now stop bothering me about it.” 

 

“Oh, right then, party.” Adore looked fully unconvinced, but Katya didn’t care. To Katya’s left, Bianca shook her head and muttered under her breath, “Absolute idiots.” 

 

Soon Trixie was introduced Courtney onto the stage and played a few songs with her before bouncing off the stage with a wide grin and a flash of pink. She wove her way through the crowd to the bar where Katya and the others were. 

 

Adore launched herself at Trixie, looping an arm around her neck. “You were so good up there!” 

 

“Aw, thanks, Adore!” Trixie pressed a loud kiss to Adore’s cheek, leaving an imprint of pink lipstick. 

 

“Yeah, nice job up there, Mattel.” 

 

“Wow, that was almost a compliment, Bianca.” 

 

“Don’t let it get to your head. If your hair gets any bigger it’s going to start terrorizing folks in the northwoods.” 

 

Katya appeared at Trixie’s elbow, shoving a gin and tonic into her hands. “What makes you think that Trixie doesn’t already do that? You were full Dolly fantasy up there, Trix.” Katya pulled Trixie into a hug, acutely aware of the couple’s pointed looks. “They ate you up.” 

 

“Aw, my knight in shining pleather with my drink!” 

 

“Hey, sorry, excuse me,” a soft voice cut off Katya’s response, “Trixie?” 

 

“That’s me!” Trixie whirled around in a spiral of floral perfume and blonde hair to find a tall redhead standing there. “What can I do ya for?” 

 

“Oh, I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed your performance, and was wondering if I could maybe buy you a drink , but I see you’ve already got one, I’ll just be going then. Uh, really great performance.” The woman twisted her hands nervously in front of her before starting to turn away. Trixie grabbed her wrist in an attempt to stop her from leaving. 

 

“No, wait! Lemme just finish this real quick!” Trixie downed the drink Katya had brought her in one practiced gulp and then tugged the other woman to the bar. 

 

Katya moved out of the way, drifting towards Bianca and Adore as Trixie chatted with her adoring fan. She watched as Trixie happily drank and flirted with this other woman. 

 

She was biting her lip and tucking her hair behind her ears. Classic Trixie Mattel flirting. 

 

Adore and Bianca both shook their heads as they watched Katya watch Trixie. 

 

Katya didn’t like the emotions bubbling up as she watched Trixie flirt. She finally turned away and focused on Courtney’s performance. 

 

In doing so, she missed the way Trixie’s eyes constantly slid to Katya. The way Trixie was only half listening to the redhead. The way that Trixie tucked her hair behind her ear whenever she saw Katya. The way that she bit her lip when Katya smiled. 

 

xx

 

_ day seven _

 

Katya officially hated this bet, she thought as she straddled Tatianna on the couch. The dark hair woman tugged harshly on Katya’s hair, drawing her closer. Her sharp nails dug into Katya’s scalp, causing Katya to moan into her mouth. 

 

Katya dragged her mouth along Tatianna’s jawline, nipping at the crux of her throat. 

 

“Mm, and you’re,” breathed out Tatianna, letting out a low whimper, “you’re sure your roommate won’t mind us here.” 

 

“Hm?” Katya push herself up slightly on her elbows. “Hm, oh yeah, no she’ll be fine.” 

 

“And this bet you have going?” 

 

“I can still get you off, can’t I?” 

 

“And you’re just not gonna get off?” Katya shook her head fiercely. Her fingers worked their way along plunging neckline of Tatianna’s top, teasing the skin beneath it. “Well that’s a choice.” 

 

“Bitch, I don’t want to have to do all that laundry.” 

 

Tatianna rolled her eyes before tugging Katya back down to her mouth. Katya worked a hand between their bodies, seeking out the hem of Tatianna’s skirt. Her fingers traced up the soft skin of Tatianna’s thigh as Tatianna moaned into her mouth. Eventually, she reached the other girl’s panties, fingers brushing against wet silk. 

 

“God, you’re fucking soaked.” 

 

“So what are you going to do about it?” Tatianna arched an eyebrow at Katya, her dark eyes brimming with lust. 

 

“Hm, well, I was thinking -” 

 

Katya was cut off by the front door slamming open. Trixie stumbled in a few seconds later, her heels clutched in one hand and the other pressed to her abdomen. 

 

“Oh shit.” Trixie’s brown eyes flitted between Katya and Tatianna quickly, her mouth forming a perfect o. “Oh shit, I didn’t think you’d be back yet. Shit, uh, just need to get a hot water bottle.” 

 

Katya straightened up, fully aware of her hand under Tatianna’s dress. “I thought you were working. It’s like 4 in the afternoon.” 

 

“Cramps.” Trixie said, her eyes fixated on the ceiling. “I’m just gonna go to my room. You, uh, you two have fun.” Trixie bypassed the kitchen entirely, forgoing her hot water bottle in favor of hiding away in her room away from the pair on the couch. 

 

“You said she wouldn’t care.” Tatianna muttered accusingly, beginning to shift away from Katya. “You said-” Katya surged forward and captured her lips in a rough kiss, forcing Tatianna back onto the couch. She maneuvered her hand beneath Tatianna’s panties, dragging her fingers through the wetness. That seemed to effectively shut Tatianna up. Katya’s thumb found Tatianna’s clit and gave it a swipe as Tatianna arched into her. 

 

“You’ll have to be quiet now.” Katya muttered against Tatianna’s throat. 

 

“Make me.” Tatianna bucked her hips up towards Katya’s hand. Katya took that as invitation to slip a finger inside the girl beneath her. Katya cut off any noise Tatianna could make with a kiss, biting down on Tatianna’s lower lip. 

 

She pumped shallowly into Tatianna, eventually adding a second finger. She curled her fingers as she dragged them out. She shifted slightly back from Tatianna to watch her slowly unravelling. 

 

“How’s that for you?” Katya flashed a smirk down at the dark haired woman. 

 

Tatianna narrowed her eyes. “Show me what you’ve got.” 

 

xx

 

_ Trixie Mattel [4:58 PM]: hey do you have a friend you could set me up with?  _

 

_ Kim Chi [5:07 PM]: oooh, yes! finally i have the perfect girl!!! you’ll love her!!  _

_ Kim Chi [5:07 PM]: but like why now? aren’t you doing some sort of complex contest with katya?  _

 

_ Trixie Mattel [5:08 PM]: ugggghhhhhh does everybody know about it?  _

 

_ Kim Chi [5:10 PM]: yeah, pretty much _

_ Kim Chi [5:10 PM]: you two are like peak reality tv sometimes  _

 

_ Trixie Mattel [5:11 PM]: happy to entertain you.  _

 

_ Kim Chi [5:19 PM]: can you do the date in two days? on tuesday? milk said she could do it then  _

 

_ Trixie Mattel [5:20 PM]: your friend’s name is milk? and yeah can do tuesday in the evening  _

 

_ Kim Chi [5:21 PM]: she’s like an artist she’s very creative you’ll like her  _

_ Kim Chi [5:23 PM]:  _ **_Milk (mobile)_ **

_ Kim Chi [5:23 PM]: there’s her number have fun honey!  _

 

_ Trixie Mattel [5:24 PM]: oh honey, i always have fun  _

 

_ xx _

 

_ Trixie Mattel [5:30 PM]: Hey Milk! It’s Trixie, Kim’s friend, she passed on your number. She thought we would really hit it off! Would you wanna grab a drink sometime this week?  _

 

_ Milk [5:31 PM]: heyyy trixie! yea kim said she gave u my #  _

_ Milk [5:32 PM]: is tues gd 4 u?  _

 

_ Trixie Mattel [5:33 PM]: yeah! perfect where do you wanna go?  _

 

_ Milk [5:35 PM]: there’s a gd gastropub by me if ur cool w/ that at 7 on tues?  _

 

_ Trixie Mattel [5:37 PM]: sounds good, see you then! x  _

 

Trixie set down her phone on her bedside table as she curled tight around her pillow. She felt like she had been stabbed and all she wanted was her hot water bottle. But she wasn’t about to venture back out into the kitchen. 

 

She tried to focus on the show playing on her laptop, but everything hurt too much. 

 

There was a soft knock on the door. 

 

“Hey, Trixie?” Trixie hesitated for a moment; she wasn’t sure if she wanted to see Katya in this moment. “I have a hot water bottle for you.” 

 

“Yeah, you can come in.” 

 

Katya opened the door and slipped into the room. She had changed into a set of sweats and a tshirt and her hair was wet around her shoulders. “I’m really sorry, Trixie, I swear I wouldn’t’ve have her here if I had known you were coming home early.” 

 

“It’s fine, Kat, really.” Trixie rolled partially onto her back as Katya handed her the hot water bottle. She tucked the fuzzy pink water bottle under her blanket, pressing it against her abdomen. “Thanks for this.” 

 

“Of course, mama. How bad is it? Scale 1 to 10?” 

 

“Like an 8,” Trixie moaned into her pillow, curling tighter around the water bottle. 

 

Katya’s face fell as she watched a tear slip from her best friend’s cheek. “Oh, Trix, baby.” Katya clambered onto the other side of Trixie’s bed. She missed the twitch in Trixie’s face at her pet name. She missed the way Trixie shifted ever so slightly away from her. Katya wrapped herself around Trixie, trying to provide her with some comfort. 

 

They had done this so many times before. Whenever Trixie had cramps, or Katya overworked herself without knowing it, or one of them had a bad day, or a panic attack. It had become common practice throughout the years of their friendship. 

 

So why did Trixie’s chest hurt so much as Katya wrapped an arm around her waist? 

 

Trixie bit the inside of her cheek to hold back her emotions as Katya pressed a kiss to her cheek. 

 

It was official.

 

Trixie Mattel was officially a masochist.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah yes, angst, i'm sorry that this has slipped this way. but at least there was a hint of smut, right? 
> 
> I was very close to having Bianca quote Scar, "Idiots. I'm surrounded by idiots." Which she is to be fair, but seemed a bit too on the nose. 
> 
> but yay! everybody has emotions and feelings no matter how repressed! 
> 
> lemme know if there's anybody ya'll would really like to see in this story! 
> 
> much love, b


	5. this whole universe is against me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katya hates her feelings. Bendelachrist comes to Trixie's rescue. Trixie also hates her feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ch. v. title from "The Apology"

**chapter v. this whole universe is against me**

 

_ day eight  _

 

Trixie woke slowly, blinking herself awake as the sun came in through her sheer curtains. Everything felt so soft and warm around her. There was a warm body pressed against her back and a heavy arm around her waist. 

 

Warm breath teased the baby hairs at the back of her neck which was soon followed by a pair of soft lips. The person curled around her pressed a series of kiss along the back of her neck, slowly moving to the side and up to her ear. 

 

“Morning, Trix,” breathed Katya, nipping at Trixie’s earlobe. Trixie let out a low moan as Katya propped herself up on her elbows to press a kiss to the corner of Trixie’s mouth. “I’ve been waiting for you to wake up. You make the cutest little faces while you sleep.” Katya slung a leg over Trixie’s hip, maneuvering herself over Trixie in one smooth move. “Almost as cute as the faces you make when you come on my fingers.” 

 

“You’re all talk.” Trixie flashed a cheeky grin up at Katya as she reached up to brush Katya’s wild blonde hair away from her face. The sunshine caught the various shades of blue in Katya’s eyes, which glowed with happiness. 

 

“Oh really, babe, just watch.” 

 

Trixie shuddered as she felt a hand trace down her stomach, gathering up her sleep shirt until it rested near her shoulder. Katya leaned down to one breast and suck Trixie’s nipple into her mouth. Her eyes remained fixed on Trixie as she did, blue eyes dancing with amusement as Trixie let out a low moan. 

 

Her teeth grazed Trixie and Trixie’s fingers buried themselves in her hair. 

 

Katya dragged her mouth down Trixie’s sternum to her bellybutton. Her hands came to rest at the waistband of Trixie’s sleep short and then - 

 

“Trixie! Trixie!” Something jabbed at her shoulder. “Trixie! Your alarm is going off!” 

 

Trixie jerked awake, her limbs flailing. “Huh? What?” As she opened her eyes, she found Katya all too close to her face. “Wass goin’ on?” She mumbled, her voice still groggy from sleep. 

 

“Your alarm’s going off.” Katya supplied helpfully before adding, “Looks like you were having a good dream. Was it about me?” She waggled her eyebrows teasingly. “The contest must be really getting to you.” 

 

“I wasn’t dreaming,” replied Trixie quickly, almost too quickly. “I don’t feel too good.” She pushed herself away from Katya and out of her bed. “Did you sleep in here with me?” 

 

“Uh huh. Wasn’t gonna leave my best girl alone with bad cramps. Don’t sweat it, Trix, you’d do the same for me.” Katya added when Trixie looked uneasily away from her. “Are you feeling any better?” 

 

“Um,” Trixie started, her hand coming to rest against her abdomen which ached painfully. “No, don’t think so.” 

 

“You know what can help with cramps? A quick orgasm!” Katya swung up into a sitting position, legs easily folding. “I’ve been told I have magic fingers.” 

 

“By your poet?” 

 

“Oh, Tatianna? She’s something else. Unfortunately, I’m still master of my domain, so you’d have to forfeit.” 

 

“Really? You two looked pretty hot and heavy yesterday.” 

 

“Trust me, it was touch and go at one point, but I remain queen of the castle.” She finished with a flourish of her arms. “Tatianna did not, however, remain queen of her castle.” The smirk on Katya’s mouth twisted at Trixie’s stomach. 

 

Her cramps ramped up at that moment as if her insides were trying to claw their way out. There was a burning at the back of her throat. “I’m gonna be sick.” She clamped a hand over her mouth and rushed to their shared bathroom. Katya was close on her heels. Katya gathered up Trixie’s hair and ran a soothing hand up and down Trixie’s spine. 

 

Trixie almost wanted to cry at the pain in her abdomen, but Katya’s presence served as a sort of balm. Katya cooed at Trixie, humming an old Russian lullaby. 

 

Seeing Trixie so sick tugged at Katya’s heart. Trixie was one of the strongest, smartest people Katya had ever met and it hurt whenever she saw her at such a low point. But that was exactly why Katya needed to keep her at arm's’ length. Katya wasn’t good for her. Or wouldn’t be good for her. Trixie deserved somebody whole, somebody who wouldn’t hurt her by accident. 

 

Trixie had such a bright future in front of her. 

 

Well, not at this particular moment, given that she was in the process of throwing up every meal she had in the past two days, but that was the general idea. 

 

“I’ll be right back, Trix, I’m just gonna grab our phones.” 

 

Trixie nodded weakly. Her whole body hurt. Every part of her, including her heart, felt vulnerable and breakable. What was she doing with her life? 

 

Katya reappeared in the doorway a moment later. 

 

“Who’s Milk?” 

 

Trixie managed to lift her head. “Kim’s friend. We’re, uh, going out on a date tomorrow.” 

 

Katya felt like there was poison on her tongue as she said, “That’s great! We’ve just got to get you all better for your very important date tomorrow. I’m really glad you’re getting back out there.” She combed a hand through Trixie’s hair, which had long since fallen out of its bun. She glanced at the time on her phone and let out a low curse. “I’ve got to get going otherwise I’m gonna be late for class. I’ll give Dela a call, see if she can come hang out with you and make sure you’re alright.” 

 

“It’s fine, really,” Trixie mumbled before she started throwing up again. 

 

Katya pinned her with an incredulous stare as she held the phone to her ear. “Hey Dela, oh hi Jinkx, yeah, yeah, I’m good, well that’s the thing. Trixie’s really sick. Yeah, she’s got bad cramps and it’s making her throw up. No, no, she’s not going to work.” Trixie tried to lift her head to protest, but everything hurt too much. “Do you think you could come over and spend the day with her? I’ve got one of my classes in the morning and then tutorials the rest of the day. Aw, you guys are the best. See you in a bit.” Katya squatted down to be closer to Trixie. “Dela’s gonna be right over. I’ve gotta go get ready for class, but I’ll make you a cup of tea, alright?” 

 

Trixie let out a groan in response. 

 

While Katya busied herself with getting ready, Trixie managed to roll on to her back, the cool tile floor a blessing. 

 

The past 12 hours or however long it had been since Trixie came home early had left her feeling ragged. She felt physically like shit and then to come home and find Katya making out with some girl. It was all just a bit overwhelming. 

 

She knew intellectually that she had no right to be upset. She and Katya weren’t together. They had never been together and she doubted they would ever be together. She just wasn’t sure why these feelings, which had been brewing for the better part of the year, were suddenly surfacing. Maybe it was this stupid contest. It had heightened her awareness of Katya anytime they were together. 

 

“Trix, Dela’s here!” Katya called from the hallway, popping her head in to check on Trixie. “I’ve gotta run, but I’ll be back by like 5:30 I think.” 

 

“Trixie!” Dela appeared behind Katya in all of her mothering glory. She rushed into the bathroom, dropping to her knees and cradling Trixie in her lap. “Oh dear, it’ll be alright.” 

 

“Dela, I’ve just got cramps, I’m not dying,” groused Trixie, pushing herself into a sitting position. “Have a good day, Katya.” 

 

“Feel better, Trix.” Katya blew her a kiss before rushing off. 

 

“Can you get up? Maybe we should relocate to somewhere other than the bathroom floor. Unless of course, you’re going to throw up again, then we should stay here.” 

 

“Honestly, Dela, Katya just kind of overreacted. This happens sometimes with my cramps. Don’t feel like you need to stay.” 

 

Dela pinned her with a thoroughly unimpressed look and shook her head. “Oh no, I haven’t seen you in ages! And me and Jinkx have just been working on a new project, so my schedule is flexible. I won’t abandon you in your time of need!” Dela slowly helped Trixie to her feet and the pair shuffled out to the couch. The pair settled on the couch. “How have you been, other than this whole PMS issue?” 

 

“Wait, you mean you haven’t heard about the contest? Really? You might be the only one who hasn’t heard about it.” Trixie managed a short laugh, leaning into Dela’s side. 

 

“Contest?” 

 

“Yeah, me and Kat got drunk and decided to see who could remain master of their domain longest. We’re on day eight now I think?” 

 

“I feel like that might not be the best thing for your relationship.” 

 

Trixie recoiled. “Relationship? Dela, we’re friends, it’s just a dumb bet.” That knot in her stomach quickly reformed. “Trust me, if Katya wanted to be a relationship, we would be in one and we definitely wouldn’t be seeing who could be celibate for the longest.” 

 

“You said if Katya wanted to be a relationship?” The dark haired woman’s eyes were filled with something akin to pity.  Sometimes Trixie really hated Dela. The woman was just too intuitive and nice for her own good. “Does that mean that you want to be in a relationship with Katya?” 

 

Trixie was fully aware that her cheeks had turned bright pink as she looked away from Dela’s intense stare. 

 

“Trixie,” began Dela softly, “you can talk to me.” 

 

“There’s nothing to talk about.” 

 

Dela looked doubtful but moved on. “Shall we watch a movie?” Trixie was grateful for Dela’s change of topic. She didn’t want to keep ruminating on her relationship with Katya. Every time it came up it just picked off the temporary bandage she had placed over that spot in her heart. 

 

The pair settled on  _ The Philadelphia Story _ and Trixie curled up on Dela’s side, relishing in the temporary comfort of Dela’s warmth. Dela carded her fingers through Trixie’s hair, her grey eyes still filled with pity and concern for Trixie’s heart. 

 

xx

 

Katya cursed under her breath as she tripped over the loose floorboard down the hall from their apartment. Her elbow clattered noisily into the wall, echoing down the hall. 

 

The door next to theirs opened and a statuesque woman appeared. 

 

“You’re getting in late, aren’t you, Miss Katya.” Katya stopped in front of the other woman, her mind struggling to remember the woman’s name. “Looks like you’ve had a good night.” 

 

“Huh?” Katya’s eyebrows shot up. 

 

The woman motioned to Katya’s face, her lips pursed. “There’s dark lipstick all over your cheek. You might not want your girlfriend to see that.” 

 

“My girlfriend?” 

 

The woman narrowed her eyes with some hostility. She nodded jerkily. “That cute little blonde girl you live with. She dropped off Christmas cookies last year. I’m always seeing you two together. That girl looks at you like you hang the goddamn stars and you look at her like she put the moon in the sky.” The woman’s heavy Southern accent dripped off the words, turning them almost into one of the old country songs Trixie loved. “You’re a pretty cute couple.” 

 

“Oh, no, Trixie’s not my girlfriend. Just a friend, and uh, of course, my roommate.” The words felt forced on her tongue, but Katya so wasn’t in the mood to examine those feelings. “Right, well, like you said it’s late, so I’m gonna go back in.” 

 

Katya moved past the tall woman and fumbled her keys out of her pocket. 

 

As she slipped into the apartment, she thought she heard the other woman say, “I swear I ain’t ever seen so much tomfoolery in my life.” 

 

Katya moved into the kitchen, blindly searching for the charger. Her cell phone had died on her way to Tatianna’s, leaving her unable to let Trixie know she was coming home late. As her phone turned on, it started to ding rapidly. 

 

“I didn’t think you would be back tonight.” 

 

Katya spun around. That wasn’t Trixie’s voice or even Dela’s. 

 

“Jinkx.” Katya smiled tiredly. She loved the redhead, but she was certainly an odd character and that was coming from Katya. Katya retrieved her phone and started opening the messages. 

 

_ Trixie Mattel [5:58 PM]: Hey, just checking in, are you staying late to research?  _

 

_ Trixie Mattel [6:40 PM]: Jinkx and I made veggie lasagna if you want some, lmk  _

 

_ Trixie Mattel [9:40 PM]: i’m going to bed. the lasagna’s in the fridge if you want some when you get home. good luck studying! :)  _

 

Katya felt guilt bubbling up, but she tamped it down. 

 

“There’s lasagna in the fridge,” said Jinkx, her voice as ethereal as ever. 

 

“Yeah, I saw Trixie’s message.” 

 

“She’s feeling much better. We did some essential oil treatments and I brought over some crystals to help. I did do some cleansing rituals. There’s a negative energy here.” Jinkx cast a sweeping gaze around the apartment. She adjusted the shawl wrapped around her shoulders. “Maybe it was just from Trixie not feeling well.” 

 

“Right,” Katya trailed off as she searched the fridge for something to eat. She hadn’t had a chance to grab food before when she was over at Tatianna’s. They had been preoccupied with other things. “How long have you been here?” 

 

Jinkx waved a hand vaguely. “Oh, sometime in the afternoon. I needed to work on a project with Dela. Trixie actually ended up helping us with some music. Dela had to go home to take care of the cat, but I stayed to help with dinner. It didn’t feel right to leave Trixie by herself when she had been so unwell. And then you were late.” 

 

“Are you my mother now?” Katya snapped. She jabbed harshly at the buttons of the microwave. “I don’t know why everybody is so agitated over when I get home.”

 

“Who said I was agitated?” Jinkx asked airily. “I’m sure you were at the library researching. Although, I can’t remember the last time a study session ended with lipstick on my face.” Katya scowled at that. She thought she had wiped it all off. It wasn’t her fault Tatianna preferred dark lipstick. Then Jinkx said, more to herself than Katya, “Perhaps it’s best that I’m the one who saw you.” 

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Katya spun back around to face the redhead. 

 

“I’ll be seeing you later, Katya.” Jinkx moved towards the front door with a spin of her shawl and a cloud of some sort of earthy perfume. 

 

Katya mumbled under her breath as she heard the door shut, “Fucking swamp witch, who’s she to criticize my choices.” 

 

xx

 

_ day nine  _

 

Katya wasn’t sure why she was dreading Trixie returning from work for the day. Trixie had been long gone by the time Katya had woken up. She had a rare day without loads of meetings and classes so had taken the opportunity to sleep in. But that meant missing Trixie in the morning. She felt like she needed to say something to Trixie. 

 

Katya immersed herself in her artwork for the afternoon. She really should’ve worked on her dissertation, however, her mind wandered. She was fully convinced it was because of the contest. She could acutely feel everytime her shirt brushed against her nipples and she regretted her decision to forgo a bra. 

 

It had almost been ten days and god, could she feel it. The mere concept of denial was enough to frustrate Katya and then add in what the denial was and it was a pure nightmare. 

 

The door opened and Katya slinked out of her room, wiping the paint from her fingers onto her shorts. 

 

“Hey, Katya,” Trixie greeted as she set her bag on the counter. “How was your day?” 

 

Everything felt too forced, too unnatural as if something fundamental had changed between them. But neither could put their finger on what it was. This contest had built up tension between both. 

 

“Oh, good, worked on some painting.” 

 

“How was your research yesterday? Sorry I was asleep before you came home. I was so beyond exhausted.” Trixie was starting to ramble, which was certainly not in character for her. “I hope you liked the lasagna if you had some. Me and Jinkx just whipped it up last night. I wasn’t sure if you’d grab something at the library, I know you don’t like the sandwiches there.” Trixie tugged a hand through her long blonde hair, her rings catching slightly on her curls. 

 

“Oh, I wasn’t at the library,” Katya commented offhandedly. Something changed in Trixie’s eyes as if a shutter fell over them. 

 

“Oh.” 

 

A long pause lingered between them before Katya elaborated, “I was at Tatianna’s.” 

 

“Got it.” Trixie managed a half smile despite the twisting in her stomach. 

 

“Don’t you have a date tonight?” 

 

Trixie felt her jaw tightened involuntarily as she said, “Yeah, with Kim’s friend Milk. She’s some sort of artist. We’re going to some gastropub.” 

 

“Sounds fun.” Katya rubbed at the back of her neck. “Milk’s kind of a weird name, isn’t it?” 

 

Trixie pinned Katya with an irritated look. “You’ve got the whole freaking alphabet in your name.” 

 

“Yes, I’m sure that her parents gave him the name Milk.” Katya had no idea who this Milk person was, but she didn’t like her. She convinced herself that it was because nobody would ever be good enough for Trixie. Trixie had been Katya’s rock for so many years that Katya held the standards high for her best friend’s significant other. “The artist formerly known as Milk.” Katya laughed at her own joke. 

 

But Trixie evidently was not as amused. “Whatever. Do you want some of the lasagna?” 

 

“I’m fine. You know I don’t like cheese that much. I’m surprised you forgot.” Katya’s tone bordered on rude, which admittedly was not intentional at first. “I’ve never liked cheese.” 

 

The look on Trixie’s face sparked an ache within Katya. Trixie bit her lip and looked away. 

 

She wanted to be away from Katya, away from the toxicity. Trixie was going to get ready and go on a date with somebody who seemed to be genuinely interested in her. She was not going to let Katya’s weird mood get to her. 

 

“Sorry.” The word came out clipped and harsh. “I just felt like my mom’s lasagna yesterday. It was kind of a shit day.”  

 

“Are you feeling better? Jinkx said you were better last night.” 

 

Trixie had turned away from Katya both in order to sort out her dinner and because she just couldn’t deal with Katya right now. “Hm? Oh, yeah, I think it was just a bad day of cramps. You know how it is. Did Jinkx stay long?” 

 

“We just chatted for a little bit. Something about there being negative energy in the house.” 

 

Trixie slammed the microwave a bit too hard before saying, “Yeah, she was doing some witchy cleansing things yesterday. It was good to see her and Dela.” 

 

“They’ve got a new project?” 

 

“Uh-huh. They’re doing a two-woman show. I’m going to help with some of the music.” 

 

“That’s great.” 

 

“Between them and Courtney, it’s been great to be actually working on music rather than just selling practice books and violins to soccer moms.” 

 

“I’m glad.” Katya winced. The conversation had never been this stilted between them. It had always been easy between them. Maybe it was just because they were both too horny. That had to be it. “When’s your date?” 

 

“Oh, uh, it’s at 7, so I need to eat quickly so I can fix my makeup.” 

 

“What do you mean?” Trixie spun around quickly, her eyes narrowed in question. “You look great already, Trix. You always do.” 

 

Trixie was absolutely positive if they had been a cartoon her stomach would be through a hole in the ground. “Coming from the queen of drugstore makeup, I think I’ll fix it anyway.” There was a long pause and then Katya was doubled over, wheezing out a laugh. 

 

“You absolute whore! I buy my makeup at Target! Not the drugstore!” 

 

“Lemme quote you, ‘anybody who pays more than ten dollars for makeup is getting robbed’!” Trixie let out her scream of a laugh. 

 

Katya felt more on balance than she had in days. It was as if order had been returned to their universe. “It’s true,” she managed through her laughter, clutching at the wall. 

 

Trixie flashed her brightest smile at her best friend, relishing in this moment. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> introducing Dela, Jinkx and a brief cameo from Miss Alyssa Edwards! 
> 
> also poor Trixie. cramps are the worst and they just get worse if you start throwing up :( 
> 
> hopefully these two idiots can start to figure out their shit at some point. someday, maybe in the near future? maybe not? 
> 
> would love to hear from all of you lovely people! 
> 
> come bother me @ pinktrixies on tumblr
> 
> much love, b


	6. war, what is it good for?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trixie's terrible, horrible, no good, very bad night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ch. vi. title from "The Marine Biologist" 
> 
> i'm sorry in advance....

**chapter vi. the original title for war and peace was "war, what is it good for?"**

 

_ day nine _

 

“Hey, Katya?” 

 

“Yeah?” 

 

“Can you come here?” 

 

“Do I have to?” 

 

“Yes.” 

 

“Are you sure?” 

 

“Bitch, would I ask if I wasn’t?” 

 

“Fine. I’m coming. I mean not coming, but coming to your room.” Trixie rolled her eyes dramatically, but she couldn’t help but smile at Katya’s ridiculousness. “What was so urgent?” 

 

Trixie brandished a hand towards the open back of her dress. “Can you zip me up?” Katya moved forward wordlessly and zipped Trixie up. “Thanks, Kat.” 

 

“Of course. Give us a twirl.” 

 

Trixie spun around, her pink dress spiraling out around her. She paused in front of her mirror and reached for her concealer. She had missed one spot below her eye. 

 

Katya stared unashamedly at Trixie. It was all flawless from her curled hair to the way her lipstick matched some of the flowers on her dress. Trixie possessed a rare magnetic quality that had drawn Katya in from the get-go. 

 

xx

 

_ four years ago…  _

 

Katya had a new theory. That theory was that time had specifically conspired against her to make this day as long as possible. She had yet to figure out what she could’ve done to piss off the great entity of time, but there must have been something. 

 

Regardless, as she stared at the clock, she was convinced the second's hand was moving slower than usual. 

 

The professor cleared his throat, gesturing slightly to the tutorial roster in front of her. She suppressed the urge to roll her eyes at his laziness but started the roll call nonetheless. 

 

This was her least favorite part of her week. Early Modern European History. It was a popular course for freshman, especially those pursuing history degrees. She vaguely remembered finding it easy when she took it, but that was three years ago. Most of the students she encountered as a TA seemed to be particularly daft when it came to remembering their schoolwork. 

 

“‘Cuse me,” a voice chimed in as Katya finished the roll call, “My name’s not on the list because I’m just here to make up for a tutorial I missed early in the week.” 

 

Katya didn’t even bother to look up, just tonelessly replied, “Name?” 

 

“Trixie Mattel, like the Barbie.” 

 

Katya scribbled out the name at the bottom of the page and made a brief note that it was a student making up for a missed tutorial. 

 

The professor began the tutorial as he usually did, struggling with the PowerPoint until one of the students took pity on him. 

 

Katya glanced at the handouts for today:  _ The Effects of European Imperialism on Early America _ . Oh, good, she was going to listen to a much of freshman rehash  _ Pocahontas _ . 

 

She genuinely hated this class. All she wanted was to work on her Russian history readings for you know, her actual degree. But no, the history department required all final year students to TA one class and she hadn’t paid attention to the schedule and thus ended up with a freshman course. 

 

Katya passed the handouts to the professor after the PowerPoint finally started up. She wished there was a way for her to work on her translations, after all, she had about 200 pages to go and Russian wasn’t exactly light work. 

 

But alas, she was left to half-listen to freshman sit in silence as they tried to avoid softball questions on readings they definitely did not do. Katya opened her notebook and slid it halfway into her lap so the professor couldn’t see. She started sketching something loosely. She wasn’t entirely sure what it was until she recognized the nose. She was drawing the professor in admittedly an unflattering manner, which wasn’t entirely fair given that he was rather nice albeit boring. 

 

Her moral dilemma was interrupted in the strangest way possible. 

 

“Bitch, I’m from Wisconsin!” 

 

“Miss Mattel!” 

 

Katya’s head shot up and she found herself making eye contact with a very pretty and very angry girl. She was like something out of a magazine spread. Between the pin-up girl curls and the winged eyeliner, the girl was just absolutely stunning. 

 

“What?” She practically snarled, “I’m not just going to sit here and listen to this overhyped frat boy act like he knows better than me just because he went to some fancy private school. Unlike you, I actually understand the effects of colonialism on Native Americans. And all that shit,” 

 

“Miss Mattel!” 

 

But the girl kept going, “you were saying about  _ Pocahontas  _ and how progressive it is? That entire movie is a lie and distort the truth and perpetuates stereotypes about Native American women as well as the misperception of Native Americans needing help from Western colonizers.” 

 

“Well, actually, I think I would know better than you as I actually have Native American blood in me.” Katya’s eyes slid away from the girl to the boy she was arguing with. He was like something out of a J Crew catalog with his slicked black hair and perfectly ironed sweater and a collared shirt. 

 

“Really? What tribe? Tribe Wannabee?” 

 

Katya let out a snort of laughter at that, which caused the girl to shift her gaze over to Katya. The girl flashed a smile at Katya. 

 

“No, actually, my great-great-grandfather fought alongside Geronimo.” 

 

The girl let out a bark of laughter. “That’s bullshit.” 

 

“Miss Mattel, that’s it. I will not tolerate this language. Miss Zamolo- Miss Katya, would you please take Miss Mattel up to the school office so she may record her absence?” 

 

“Sure thing,” Katya said quickly, jumping to her feet. Anything was better than sitting here. “C’mon, Miss Mattel.” 

 

The blonde shoved her stuff into her bag and stormed out of the room, leaving Katya to trail after her. 

 

“Soooo, Miss Mattel-” 

 

“Trixie. Look we don’t need to do this whole small talk thing. Let’s just get this over with.” 

 

“Or we could go get coffee.” 

 

“Huh?” 

 

“Coffee, it’s a popular drink made from a bean, generally known for its caffeine properties and ability to be made into overpriced sugary drinks at Starbucks.” 

 

“Yeah, no, I know what coffee is, but you’re not reporting me?” 

 

“Nah, you were right and he’ll never know. It’s not like he checks up on anything.” Katya shrugged before shifting her bag to her other shoulder. “Trust me, it’s better this way. I’d hate for it to end up on your permanent record, especially in your freshman year.” 

 

The girl let out a shriek that was maybe a laugh? 

 

“Oh, I’m not a freshman. I’m just a dumb senior who never got her history credits.” Trixie had an infectious and strangely bizarre laugh that Katya found herself laughing along with. 

 

“You’re a senior? What major?” 

 

“I’m a musical theater major.” 

 

“Huh, I totally had you pegged as a history major after that whole little rant back there. Those are normally the only kids who talk in that class.” Katya guided Trixie out of the building and towards the university cafe. “Seriously, it’s shocking how helpless they all are. I’m pretty sure I was never like that.” 

 

“What’s your degree? Like why are you a TA?” 

 

Katya was practically bouncing as she walked next to Trixie. “I’m a Russian language and history major who doesn’t keep track of departmental requirements.” 

 

“Oh, so you’re a smart bitch,” laughed Trixie, pushing the door to the cafe open. “Hey, Aja!” 

 

“Ayo, Trixaay!” A girl with bright purple hair waved happily from behind the counter. “Are you on a date?” 

 

“Oh, nah, this is my knight in shining,” Trixie paused to glance at what Katya was wearing, “problem patterns. I got kicked out of a tutorial.” 

 

“That’s badass, dude!” Aja leaned over the counter for a fist bump, which Trixie happily obliged. “What can I getcha?” 

 

“Whatever green tea you’ve got now,” Trixie said dismissively, “and whatever, uh, sorry I don’t actually know your name?” A light blush spread across the tops of Trixie’s cheeks. 

 

“Yekaterina Petrovna Zamolodchikova.” 

 

Aja and Trixie both stared at her, their mouths slightly agape. 

 

“Bitch, what?” Aja mumbled. 

 

“But you can just call me Katya.” 

 

There was a long pause and then Trixie practically started screaming with laughter. She clutched at Katya’s arm. “That’s the most ridiculous name I’ve ever heard.” 

 

“Coming from the Barbie doll with the last name Mattel,” Katya shot back between her own laughing fits. “That’s fucking rich, man.” 

 

“Hey, do you two morons wanna take it down a notch before you scare everybody off?” Aja cut in, rolling her eyes at the pair of them. 

 

“I’ll take a black coffee please and thank you.” 

 

“God, that’s boring.” 

 

“You ordered a green tea!” 

 

“It’s healthy!” 

 

“It’s leaf water.” 

 

“You’re drinking straight bean water!” 

 

Aja shook her head as she prepared their drinks. As she poured the coffee, she muttered to herself, “If you two don’t fuck, then I’ll burn all my clothes.”

 

xx   

 

_ present day  _

 

Trixie fidgeted with one of the rings on her left hand as she sat at the bar, waiting for Milk. She would fully own up to Facebook stalking her, but so far she hadn’t seen anybody resembling the girl. 

 

She glanced down at her phone.  _ 7:05 _ . Maybe Milk just wasn’t a very timely person. It was just five minutes. 

 

But then five minutes was ten minutes. And ten minutes was twenty minutes. And twenty minutes was thirty minutes. 

 

Trixie was well into her second drink, while she debated whether or not to send Milk a text. 

 

“Waiting for somebody?” 

 

Trixie’s head shot up from staring down at her phone, watching the minutes tick by. “Pardon?” 

 

“You’ve been here by yourself for a while.” a middle-aged woman rested her hand on top of Trixie’s. “A date stand you up?” 

 

Trixie could distinctly feel her cheeks heat up. There was nothing more humiliating than having a kindly older woman look at you with pity. 

 

“Uh, I think they’re just running late.” Even to her own ears, it sounded sad. Trixie rubbed at the back of her neck. 

 

The woman just nodded kindly. “Well, you’re welcome to chat with us until that happens.” She gestured to her friend on her other side. “I promise we don’t bite.” 

 

Trixie hesitated for a moment before nodding. “Trixie.” 

 

“Kasha and this is Tempest. We’re just having a little girl’s night while the husbands watch the kiddos.” 

 

“Fun,” Trixie said, her tone falling flatter than she had intended. “How many kids do you guys have?” 

 

“We both have two kids,” Tempest said. Trixie smiled kindly at the pair. They both seemed lovely, but it just felt depressing. “I don’t suppose you have any kids?” 

 

Trixie let out a nervous laugh. “Uh, ‘fraid not.” 

 

“Dare I ask how old you are?” 

 

“26 in August.” 

 

“I’m going to key your fucking car.” Trixie shrieked with laughter at Kasha’s comment. “You’re a baby.” Kasha pinched one of Trixie’s cheeks and Trixie couldn’t help but think of her grandmother, but she was fairly certain Kasha wouldn’t appreciate that comparison. “So who’s this asshole who’s stood up a pretty girl like you?” 

 

Trixie dropped her gaze to her hands, which twisted in her lap. “A friend of mine set me up on this blind date. And clearly, she hasn’t shown.” 

 

“Well, then she’s an idiot,” Tempest declared. 

 

Kasha raised her glass. “I’ll drink to that.” 

 

“You’ll drink to anything.” 

 

“True, there’s always time for a cocktail!” 

 

“Words to live by.” 

 

Trixie watched the pair in amusement. She wondered vacantly if these two might be what she and Katya would be like in twenty years. 

 

Katya. Fuck. That was the whole point of tonight. She was trying to move forward with her life. And trying very poorly it would seem. 

 

Their lives were just too intertwined. Or maybe Trixie just didn’t want to let go. 

 

An elbow nudged at her gently, breaking her from her trance. “I know that look. That’s never a good look. That’s I’m divorcing my first husband look.” Kasha’s voice was soft and gentle and fully maternal, exactly what Trixie needed when she was so many miles from her own mother who really did struggle to operate Skype. 

 

“And she would know,” Tempest interjected, her face equally as maternal. 

 

“Hush, you. So, what’s troubling you, Trixie?” 

 

Trixie rolled her cocktail straw between her fingers numbly. “I’m in love with my best friend.” Trixie’s heart thudded in her chest. This was the first time she had admitted it to someone aloud. Of course, everybody speculated on whether or not she and Katya had secretly been dating for years and how they were madly, madly in love. But Trixie had never actually said the words aloud. 

 

“That’s not so bad, sweetie. If they’re your best friend, they’re probably a pretty good person.” Kasha squeezed Trixie’s hand reassuringly. “But if you’re in love with them, then why were you going on this date?” 

 

“Because she doesn’t love me.” Trixie had said those words aloud multiple times. She said them as she tried to talk herself out of her feelings. She said them whenever Katya said something that she misinterpreted as flirting, which was about every day. She said them whenever she could hear Katya with one of her ‘friends’. 

 

“Oh,” the two older woman both sighed in tandem. “I’m sorry, sweetie,” One of them cooed, Trixie wasn’t sure which one entirely. “It’ll get better. Have you told them?” 

 

“She, she wouldn’t take it well.” 

 

Katya didn’t do relationships. She didn’t do feelings. And if Trixie was being honest, she wasn’t sure how she’d deal with Katya walking out of her life. Which was the most likely conclusion if Trixie told her the truth. 

 

“But isn’t it better to try?” 

 

Trixie shook her head and waved down the bartender. 

 

“Trust me, if I want her in my life, I can never tell her. And at this point, I’m not sure how I could deal with that.” Trixie happily accepted her third drink. In some part of her mind, she knew that drinking was what got her into this mess. If only she and Katya had never kissed. If only it hadn’t felt real. If only Katya had remembered. 

 

“Honey, you’ll feel better to get the truth off your chest.” 

 

“Oh honey,” Trixie fell back into the schticky character that had always made Katya laugh, “I always feel better with something on my chest.” It garnered a light laugh between the women, but it just felt wrong to Trixie. So she kept drinking. 

 

She found herself spilling the whole story to Tempest and Kasha. It was the next best thing to talking to her mom. They were completely removed from the situation. They didn’t know Katya. They didn’t know how Trixie pined after Katya in the most pathetic way possible. Or maybe they did because Trixie told them. 

 

“You need to tell this girl!” Kasha declared, slamming her hand down on the bar. The bartender looked over at them in vague irritation. 

 

“You know, I think you’re right.” 

 

“Call her! Have her come get you! It’ll be romantic!” 

 

“Did you drive?” 

 

“No, no,” Trixie said as she retrieved her cell phone. She typed out a quick message to Katya. 

 

_ Trixie Mattel [10:07 PM]: katyyyaaa, could you pls come pick me up? big and milky was a no show i need u  _

 

“What if she hates me?” 

 

“She won’t, how could anybody hate this face!” Kasha pinched her cheek again and then leaned in to press a kiss to Trixie’s temple. 

 

Trixie’s phone buzzed in her hand. 

 

_ Katya Zamo [10:10 PM]: i’ll be there in 10. I’ll be there soon, babe  _

 

“See!” Trixie cried out, brandishing her phone towards the two older women, “She calls me babe, what am I supposed to do with that?” 

 

“Okay, you’ve just gotta tell her how you feel and it’ll all be okay. These things have a way of working itself out,” Tempest said, leaning across the bar to look Trixie directly in the eye. “Love always finds a way.” 

 

But what if it didn’t? She would lose Katya. She knew Katya well enough to know that this could go oh so badly. This could ruin everything. 

 

“Trixie!” Her head snapped up at the sound of that voice. The voice that seemed almost to haunt her at this point. Katya rushed over to her side, dodging the patrons in various stages of intoxication. “What happened, Trix?” 

 

“She didn’t show up.” Trixie shrugged. As she stared into Katya’s blue eyes, she felt her resolve harden. She could do this. She wasn’t going to do it in the middle of some bar, that wasn’t classy, but she was going to tell Katya how she felt. 

 

“Asshole,” muttered Katya. 

 

“That’s what we said.” 

 

“Katya, meet Tempest and Kasha. They’ve been keeping me company.” 

 

“Lovely to meet you.” Katya slung an arm around Trixie’s waist and Trixie’s senses were overwhelmed by a smell that was just so distinctly Katya. It smelled like home. “I better get this one home.” 

 

“Honestly, Kat, I’m not drunk, I just didn’t want to pay for an Uber.” 

 

“Yeah, yeah.” 

 

“Good luck with everything, Trixie,” Tempest said as Kasha nodded along with her. “You’re a good person.” 

 

“Thank you. Really, both of you, you’ve been a big help.” 

 

Kasha whipped out a business card from her wallet. “You’ll have to give me a call sometime. I’d love to hear how this all turns out.” 

 

“Sure thing, Mrs. Davis.” 

 

“C’mon, Trix.” 

 

“Trix are for kids,” hummed Trixie, leaning into Katya’s side. 

 

“Yep, you’re definitely not drunk.” 

 

The cool air felt amazing on Trixie’s overheated skin. She could feel Katya digging around her coat, looking for something. Finally, Katya had procured a cigarette and a lighter.  

 

“Do you have to smoke?” 

 

“Shh, Trix, it’s fine.” 

 

“Whatever.” 

 

In her mind, her dramatic love confession didn’t feature Katya puffing away like a smokehouse. But it was a very Katya thing to do regardless. 

 

“Katya, look, there’s something -” 

 

“Katya, ready to go?” 

 

Trixie wanted to throw up again. 

 

Tatianna was sitting there. 

 

Tatianna was here. 

 

Waiting for Katya. 

 

“Yep, c’mon, Trixie, let’s get you in the back seat.” 

 

Trixie was numb. She climbed into the backseat of the car. She waited for a moment as if Katya would join her like they had done on so many nights out, but she didn’t. Katya sat in the passenger front seat. 

 

Trixie felt like a disciplined child. As if she had been caught on a night out and her parents had come to retrieve her. 

 

She had been planning to tell Katya she loved her. Why was she so stupid?

 

“Hi Trixie, I’m Tatianna. It seems we keep meeting in weird ways.” 

 

Fuck, Tatianna wasn’t a complete bitch. “Nice to meet you. I’ve heard great things about you from Katya.” The words felt like ash on her tongue. 

 

“Trix, what happened with Milk?” 

 

“I dunno. She was a no-show. It’s fine. Whatever.” Trixie pressed her head against the cold glass. “Honestly, I don’t care.” She couldn’t care anymore. Caring hurt. Caring made her heart hurt. 

 

“Trixie…” 

 

She hated that tone of Katya’s. That was Katya’s pity tone. The one she brought out for particularly traumatic childhood stories and bad breakups. “Don’t, Kat. I don’t want to do this tonight.” 

 

“Okay, fine. Be like that.” 

 

“Fine, I will.” 

 

“Good.” 

 

“Good.” 

 

“Great, I’m glad.” 

 

“Whatever.” Trixie bit down on her lower lip to stop the tears that were threatening to well up. 

 

The car slowed to a stop in front of their building. Trixie couldn’t get out of that car fast enough. She made her way over to the entrance in an effort to give Katya a chance to say goodbye to Tatianna in private. But Katya didn’t move to leave the car. 

 

“Kat?” 

 

“Are you good to get upstairs? Or do you need help?” Trixie’s brow creased. “I’m gonna spend the night at Tati’s.” 

 

“Oh.” 

 

“Yeah.” 

 

“Okay. I’ll see you around I guess.”  _ I’ll see you around I guess _ ? It was like Trixie’s brain had broken. What the actual fuck was that? 

 

“Yep.” 

 

“Have a nice night.” Trixie turned away, no longer able to hold back the tears that burned in the corners of her eyes. “Have a nice life,” she added under her breath. 

 

Trixie climbed the stairs as quickly as one could while sobbing, which thankfully was very quickly. 

 

She raced through the hallway but stopped when she saw somebody outside one of the doors. 

 

“Oh, hey there, Miss Trixie…” Miss Edwards trailed off as she took in Trixie’s state. “Oh, no, sweetheart, what’s going on?” Trixie just shook her head. She couldn’t do this, not right now. “Is everything alright?” 

 

“Yeah, sorry, just had a bad night.” Trixie pushed her door open. “Good night, Miss Edwards.” She collapsed back against the door as soon as it closed behind her. “A bad night? Yeah, that’s one word for it. “

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> like i said before, i'm so sorry!! 
> 
> things have to get worse before they get better? 
> 
> both of them are emotionally constipated? 
> 
> i'll fully admit my favorite line so far has been "Bitch, I'm from Wisconsin!" as a proud wisconsinite! :) 
> 
> i swear this will get better. 
> 
> i promise. 
> 
> (also woo! 1000 hits!) 
> 
> feel free to yell at me in the comments or at tumblr at pinktrixies 
> 
> much love, b


	7. it's all been wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trixie continues to have a terrible time. Violet is, in a shocking turn of events, a total cunt, albeit a well-meaning one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ch. vii. title from "the opposite"

**chapter vii. it’s all been wrong**

_day twelve_

Trixie had always assumed that poets were being overdramatic when they spoke of the physical ache of heartbreak. She thought it was just a way to make the feelings come alive.

 

But then Katya hadn’t come home. For almost three days.

 

Trixie felt the ache deep between her ribcage. It was as if her ribcage was being slowly pried apart. She had mindlessly gone through her days, barely able to focus at work. Kim had called incessantly after the failed blind date, but Trixie was not in the mood. She wasn’t in the mood for anything.

 

It was unclear if it was because she loved Katya, or if it was because she missed Katya. Katya had become one of the most constant things in her life, which was ironic given Katya’s typically erratic behavior.

 

Sometimes Trixie stared at herself in the mirror and couldn’t understand the woman staring back.

 

Sometimes all she could see was a little girl with blonde pigtails, skinned knees and her brother’s hand me downs. That little girl hadn’t known pain. She had been happy in her childhood, for a while at least. That little girl had spent her days running through pine needles and swimming in lakes with her siblings.

 

Sometimes all that was there was the terrified teenager who could barely meet anybody’s gaze because she was so terrified. Terrified of who she was, terrified of what might happen if she admitted it, terrified of what might happen if anybody else figured it out. That girl had buried herself in anything that would make her seem normal. She had shoved away every instinct and built up walls to protect herself.

 

More rarely she saw the brash girl who had loaded up her brother’s pickup truck with two pink suitcases and a beat up, old guitar case and left. Trixie was certain that part of her, high on freedom and confidence, would’ve told Katya how she felt months ago.

 

But that wasn’t who she was. She was made of broken pieces. She had been broken apart at the seams like an old doll.

 

She just felt numb.

 

So numb, in fact, that she didn’t even hear the pounding on the front door.

 

Trixie shuffled to the door, dragging her fluffy pink blanket with her, draped around her shoulders like a cape. She was expecting a pile of Amazon boxes or even their next door neighbor.

She was not expecting a whirl of dark hair and heavy perfume to push past her.

 

“Violet?”

 

The girl in question spun on her heel to face Trixie, one perfectly formed eyebrow arched.

 

“What are you doing here?”

 

Violet’s expression faltered for the briefest of moments before returning. “That whore didn’t tell you? I’m here for a project and Katya said I could stay here.”

 

Trixie curled further into her blanket.

 

“Uh, well, I haven’t spoken to Katya,” Trixie’s lower lip trembled as she spoke, “for a few days.”

 

Violet’s eyebrows shot towards her hairline. “Where is she?”

 

“With her new girlfriend, Tatianna. Some sort of poet.”

 

“So who shot your dog then, bitch?”

 

Trixie cast a withering glare Violet’s way before brushing past her. She reclaimed her spot curled in the corner of the couch, sinking into herself. “Why are you here, Vi?”

 

“I told you, I’m here on a project. And I’m worried about Katya. She’s seemed… odd for the past week or so.”

 

“She hasn’t told you about the contest?”

 

“The what?” Trixie launched into a full descriptor of the stupid contest, which caused Violet to practically fall out of her chair, she was laughing so hard. “I swear you two are the dumbest freaking people I’ve ever met.”

 

“Shut it, you absolute whore!”

 

“So how serious is Katya about this poet?” Violet abruptly changed the subject, practically giving Trixie whiplash. “I mean, I know she kind of dives in head first, but for her to already be spending this much time with her like we know what a commitment-phobe she is. God, I thought the only person she’d ever settle down for would be you.”

 

“Me?” squeaked Trixie, her knuckles turning white as she clutched at the corner of her blanket.

 

Violet rolled her eyes. “Yes, you.”

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

Trixie’s heart was beating uncomfortably against her ribcage, but for the first time in days, it didn’t feel like she was drowning.

 

“Whatever, it was like three years ago, I’m sure she won’t care if I tell you.”

 

xx

 

_three years ago…_

Violet dragged her fingers through the choppy blonde hair as she let out a keening moan. Her legs were locked firmly around her partner’s back.

 

“Yes! Yes! Right there! Harder!”

 

Her back arched as Katya drove two fingers into her while lashing her clit with her tongue. Her fingers dug into Katya’s head, tugging her impossibly closer.

 

xx

 

_present day…_

“Oh my god, Violet! I do not need to hear about Katya eating you out!” Trixie pitched a decorative pillow at Violet’s face, earning her a harsh look from the other girl.

 

Violet shrugged one delicate shoulder. “I just figured you hadn’t gotten any in a while. Whatever, okay.”

 

xx

 

_three years ago…_

Katya rested her chin on Violet’s hip, both boneless and sated. Violet carded her fingers through Katya’s hair, which was just starting to grow out from her latest boredom induced styling.

 

“I think I’m in love with Trixie.”

 

“Water is wet.”

 

“Shut up, I’m being serious.” Katya pinched Violet’s thigh.

 

“And I’m just stating the obvious.”

 

“It is not obvious.”

 

Violet let out a huffing, disbelieving chuckle. “Okay, sure, we’ll go with that.”

 

“No, really, I think I’m in love with her.”

 

“Then go eat her out and keep your commie mouth away from my cunt.” Violet playfully tugged Katya up towards her until they were at the same level. “Do you really love her?”

 

“I think I do. I probably loved her from the moment I met her in that stupid freaking class.” Katya sighed dramatically, rolling onto her back. “I wanna tell her.”

 

“Then tell her.”

 

“What if she doesn’t love me back?”

 

“Then she doesn’t love you back and you respect that.”

 

“I just don’t know if I’m strong enough.”

 

Violet ghosted the pads of her fingers across Katya’s cheekbone. “It’s better to tell her how you feel sooner rather than later. I wish I had told Pearl, and now she’s halfway across the country living her dream. But without me. I waited too long. You don’t want to wake up one day and realize that you let Trixie go because you were a coward. I know it doesn’t come naturally to you, but if it was hard, it wouldn’t be love.”

 

“When did you get all smart?”

 

“Bitch, I’ve always been smart, you’re just too dumb to have noticed it.”

 

Katya wheezed out a laugh. “True, true, that is very true.” But then she sobered up. “What if she hates me?”

 

“She could never hate you.”

 

Katya stared up at the ceiling, gnawing on her bottom lip. “Okay, you’re right. I’m gonna tell her.”

 

“I’m always right.”

 

xx

 

Violet drummed her fingers on the table in boredom, surveying the bar for somebody of interest. She looked not unlike a figure out of a Renaissance painting, barely deigning to make eye contact with the unwashed masses of frat boys.

 

Katya finally made her way over to the table, two beers in hand. She shoved one into Violet’s hand before settling at the table.

 

“I did it.”

 

“Did what?”

 

Katya narrowed her eyes at Violet. “I asked Trixie out to dinner and I made a reservation at that hippy restaurant she likes and I’m gonna tell her how I feel.”

 

“Did you also hire a skywriter?”

 

Katya’s eyes widened in abject panic. “Should I have? I mean, I probably still could. Lemme see if I can get a number…” Violet grabbed Katya’s wrist before she could get her phone out.

 

“God, chill, it was just a joke.”

 

“Wasn’t funny.” Katya pouted, taking a long drag from her beer. “Excuse me for being nervous.”

 

xx

 

_present day…_

 

“Wait, wait,” Trixie interrupted again. Violet pinned her with an irritated glare. “Katya never took me there for dinner. Vi, if you’re making all of this up, I will kill you and I’m from Milwaukee so I’d know how to do it.”

 

“God, would you just shut up and listen?”

 

“Fine.”

 

xx

 

_three years ago…_

 

Violet lounged half in Pearl’s lap, a joint dangling from her lips. Pearl plucked it from her lips, grimaced at the dark lipstick mark but pulled from it anyway. Some shitty mashup or remix of the Beatles played quietly in the background. The lights had long been turned off, leaving just the strings of Christmas lights to light up the room.

 

“Wanna have sex?” Pearl asked, her voice raspy from the smoke.

 

Violet considered it for a moment before sitting up in Pearl’s lap. She tugged the last bit of the joint from Pearl’s fingers, took one last drag and deposited it in the ashtray. Pearl’s hands came to rest at the small of Violet’s back to steady her, her thumbs making small circles at the bit of skin exposed.

 

Violet tipped Pearl’s chin up with the tip of her fingers and lowered herself –

 

xx

 

_present day…_

 

“Violet! I practically grew up with Pearl! I don’t need to hear about her sex life! God! You’re such a cunt!” Trixie stood up abruptly and made to leave.

 

“So you’re just gonna walk out?” Violet called after her.

 

“I don’t know what game you’re playing, but I’m not going to be a part of it,” Trixie spat back, her blonde hair flying behind her as she spun back around. “I feel like my heart has been torn in two and I just miss her and I can’t do anything to fix anything right now and you’re just sitting there!”

 

Violet rose to her feet and stalked towards Trixie. Violet had never properly intimidated Trixie until that moment. She had never fully understood Violet’s dominatrix-like appeal. Violet moved closer and closer until Trixie was forced to take a step back, her shoulders colliding with the doorframe.

 

“You want to know what happened?” Violet practically purred. “Katya came home. In tears. She sobbed in my bed with me for hours. She couldn’t even talk she was so upset. You wanna know why? You.” Violet jabbed a finger into Trixie’s breastbone. “She waited at that stupid fucking vegetarian restaurant for hours. She got all dressed up. She had Fame do her makeup. She bought you fucking flowers. She talked the restaurant into letting her bring in some fancy champagne. But you didn’t show. So Katya, being the amazing person she is, thought you might have been sick and her phone had died. So she went by your place. And she had a key. What did Katya see when she walked in?”

 

Trixie felt her heart plummeting and her throat closed.

 

“You and some girl in your bed. You didn’t even hear her come in. You just forgot. You broke her heart first so don’t you dare come crying to me about your broken heart. Katya is the best person I know and she forgave you for standing her up. She gave you the benefit of the doubt rather than kick you to the curb like I would’ve done.”

 

“What’s going on here?” Katya’s voice cut through the stillness of the air as Trixie stared at Violet in horror. Trixie managed to drag her gaze to Katya who just looked concerned. Panic rising in her chest, Trixie pushed Violet away and dodged Katya to get to the front door. She grabbed a jacket from the rack and dashed out.

 

“Trix and I were just having a little chat.”

 

Trixie rushed through the hallway and out of the building, not even noticing the tears on her cheeks until she was in her car and saw the wet tracks on her cheeks.

 

Once she was safely in her car, she broke down. She had thought that she didn’t have any more tears to cry, but she sobbed until her throat burned and her chest ached.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so so so sorry about how long it's been. i had to fly home suddenly to deal with a family thing and then fly back to move and start school and it was all very pricey. turns out london to wisconsin to london - kind of a lot of money. 
> 
> i won't promise quick updates like before, but feel free to yell at me about your emotions at pinktrixies at tumblr. 
> 
> much love, b


	8. it's not a lie if you believe it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everybody's a mess, again. Katya has a come to Jesus moment. Tatianna is done with this bullshit and Violet is a cunt as usual, but a very well-meaning one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from "the beard"

**chapter viii. It’s not a lie if you believe it**

 

_ day nine  _

 

Katya sunk into the overstuffed armchair in the corner of Tatianna’s studio apartment. Every aspect of the room gave off a vibe that Tatianna was simultaneously a “starving artist” but also that she had impeccable taste and would cut you if you so much as spilled a drop of white wine on the couch. It made Katya stressed to say the least. 

 

She fiddled absently with a trinket from the side table while Tatianna bustled around her kitchen. 

 

She felt haunted by the hunch of Trixie’s shoulders. She knew what it looked like when her best friend cried and Trixie was definitely crying. It tore at her more than it should’ve. It wasn’t her fault that Trixie was crying. She was just Trixie’s best friend. Trixie had made it very clear over the years that they were just friends. 

 

“So how long have you been in love with Trixie?” 

 

The trinket in Katya’s hands clattered to the ground. 

 

“Say what?” 

 

Tatianna rolled her eyes. “How long have you been in love with Trixie, you know, the girl you live with? Your best friend?” 

 

“I’m not…?” 

 

“Ha, okay, sure, for argument’s sake, you’re not in love with her. Sure thing.” Tatianna pinned Katya with a withering glance. “You do realize that all you talk about is Trixie, right? Like Trixie this, Trixie that? This one time Trixie said the funniest thing. And I’d bet she does the same thing.” 

 

“I’m not in love with Trixie.” 

 

“That’s interesting.” 

 

“I swear I’m not!” 

 

“Okay then, well, she’s definitely in love with you for what it’s worth.” 

 

Katya let out a sharp barking laugh before shaking her head. “I know she’s not. There’s been so many times where I’ve tried to say something, where she could’ve said something. And she hasn’t. She loves me as a friend. That’s all. Trust me.” 

 

“Katya, I say this as a friend, she has feelings for you. She spent the whole drive glaring at me. And she definitely wasn’t trying to guess what color lipstick I was wearing.” 

 

Katya jumped to her feet, forcing Tatianna away from her. “Stop it. Stop it! She’s not, she never has been.” 

 

Tatianna held up her hands in front of her. “I’m not trying to hurt you, Katya, I’m just trying to help.” 

 

“Then stop it. I have worked so hard to just be her friend. To not bother her about it. Because clearly, she doesn’t feel the same way.” 

 

“When have you tried to tell her?” 

 

xx 

 

_ three years ago…  _

 

Katya nervously twisted her hands in her lap as she waited for Trixie to leave her class. She just had to ask her to dinner. She had done this a million times before. Just had to ask her to dinner. Just dinner. 

 

And then expose all your deepest darkest feelings. 

 

It was super, super chill. 

 

Maybe she should just murder Violet one of these days. 

 

That could solve some of her problems. But then she’d be locked up for murder. Unless she got away with it. She could probably recruit Trixie to help her hide the body. 

 

“Katya! Katya! You there?” Trixie was waving a hand in front of her face. Katya took a moment to just take in Trixie’s shining blonde hair and bright pink lips. “Hey there, space ranger.” 

 

“Trixie! Hi!” Katya moved off the wall and slung an arm around Trixie’s neck. “I was waiting for you.” 

 

“I figured,” chuckled Trixie, easily looping an arm around Katya’s waist to stabilize her. “How was depressing history 101?” 

 

“You mean A Critical Look at the Rise and Fall of the Serfdom and the Czarist System in Pre-Revolutionary Russia? Depressing and boring.” Trixie let out a scream of laughter as the pair left the building. “What class was that?” 

 

Trixie waved a hand dismissively, “Advanced Musical Theory. Not as interesting as it sounds. Lots of dead guys. Lots of dead white guys.” 

 

“Not a lot of Dolly Parton realness?” Trixie shook her head sadly. “Eh, well, once we’re free of this horrid place, you can listen to all the trashy white girl country music want.” 

 

Trixie stopped suddenly, her movement dragging Katya to a stop. “Trashy white girl country music? Mama, there ain’t nothing trashy about our lord and savior, Dolly.” Trixie stared seriously at Katya, but Katya found herself completely distracted by the way the shimmer of Trixie’s eyeshadow brought out the gold flecks in Trixie’s eyes. Trixie’s mouth kept moving, but what was coming out, Katya couldn’t tell. She was far too focused on how pretty Trixie’s eyes looked with the rose gold eye shadow. 

 

“Do you wanna grab dinner on Friday?” 

 

“Yeah, of course, where do you wanna go?” 

 

“That new veggie place? The Greenleaf?” 

 

“Oh, yeah, Kim and I grabbed lunch there the other week. I’ve got class until 4, but then after that I can do dinner. Did you want to go out afterwards?” 

 

“Not really, maybe we could just have a chill night in?” Trixie nodded, leaning further into Katya’s side. Katya just wanted to soak in the feeling of Trixie against her, their bodies molded perfectly together. 

 

xx 

 

Katya readjusted the flowers on the table again, desperately ignoring the pitying looks sent her way by the waitress. It was almost 7:40 and Trixie hadn’t shown up. Katya watched as the ice melted in the champagne bucket. 

 

“You sure you don’t wanna start on that champagne?” The waitress had a delightfully twangy Midwestern accent that made Katya’s heart ache for Trixie. 

 

“Um, uh, no, I’ll just, I’m just gonna wait for my friend,” Katya managed to stammer out, her cheeks burning in the low light of the restaurant. “Could I get another basket of bread?” 

 

“Sure thing.” 

 

Katya dug around her purse for a moment before remembering her phone had died as she walked into the restaurant. She sighed heavily. 

 

After a moment’s deliberation, Katya grabbed her coat and the bottle of champagne and ran out of the restaurant. She didn’t stop running until she was at Trixie’s building. Trixie must be sick. She must be in bed, moaning about cramps or something. 

 

Trixie didn’t hate her. She could never hate her. 

 

Trixie had no idea that Katya was going to tell her she loved her. She didn’t know what tonight meant. 

 

Katya managed to fumble her keys out of her jacket pocket. The key to Trixie’s house was quintessentially Trixie: pink and covered in tiny flowers. It never ceased to bring a smile to Katya’s mouth. 

 

After unlocking the door and abandoning the bottle of champagne, Katya made her way towards Trixie’s bedroom. 

 

Katya swung open the door, calling out for Trixie. 

 

What greeted her made her heart hit the floor. 

 

A naked girl with blonde hair was curled around Trixie. Trixie, who was also naked, spare a lacy pink bra. (Some corner of Katya’s mind cheered at the image of Trixie in that bra, something she had imagined in her weaker moments.) 

 

But Trixie who apparently skipped their dinner to have sex with somebody. Trixie who didn’t like one night stands, but apparently had sex with this girl. Trixie who clearly didn’t feel the same way. 

 

Katya nearly threw up. 

 

xx 

 

_ present day…  _

 

“So you never told her?” 

 

“I just told you how I tried to tell her.” 

 

Tatianna pinned Katya with a look that might have made Katya curl in on herself if she wasn’t already feeling shitty. “You invited her out to dinner, very casually, and then she didn’t show? And did you ever try to tell her another time? Or you just saw her with somebody else and gave up.” 

 

“She was dating that girl then for almost a year!” Katya snapped, standing suddenly. “You say that you think she’s in love with me, but then why hasn’t she said anything? It’s not all up to me!” Katya paced the length of Tatianna’s living room, trying to expel the nervous energy building in her chest. “She has had almost 4 years to say something. I know she doesn’t have feelings for me. I never tried to tell her again because she’s my best friend and I can’t lose her. What if she hates me?” 

 

Tatianna let out a long sigh, her features softening. “Katya, she deserves to know. Trust me, she has feelings for you. Maybe she just feels the same way as you do. Maybe she’s also terrified.” 

 

Katya huffed out a breath, raking a hand through her unruly blonde hair. She sank down onto the couch, her elbows propped on her knees. “I just don’t think I can put myself in that position. It hurts, you know, it hurts everytime that I see her with somebody else, it hurts everytime that I remember that she doesn’t feel the same way. It tore me apart for the better part of the year and I could barely see Trixie in that year. I stayed as far away as possible, but she’s like the sun, she always draws me in. I orbit around her, everybody I know does. At the center of it all is Trixie with her stupid fucking jokes, and her dumb Barbie curls, and her goddamn smile. And you know what, I’m tired of being hurt. I’m tired of aching every time she smiles at me. I can’t do it.” 

 

Tatianna arched a perfectly sculpted brow at Katya. “You should write a book.” 

 

“That’s all?” Katya’s mouth dropped open into a perfect circle. “I should write a book.” Katya let out an angry grunt. “You’re such a cunt, Tatianna.” 

 

“Uh-huh,” Tatianna hummed, amused. Katya glared at her, her arms firmly crossed over her chest. “Okay, fine. You want some real advice?” 

 

“Yes!” 

 

“You have never tried to tell Trixie how you feel. Yes, it’s shitty that she forgot about your dinner and it was bad timing, but how was she supposed to know it was important? From what you told me, there’s no reason for her to think that it was significant. For all she knows, you just wanted to have dinner with her and maybe she had been seeing somebody. Did you ever ask her about it?” 

 

“No, of course not.” 

 

“God, you’re helpless.” 

 

“You know what, I don’t need this. Fuck off, Tati.” Katya pushed past Tatianna, grabbing her bag on the way out. “I’ll call you.” 

 

Tatianna let out a short laugh. “Sure you will.” 

 

Katya stormed out of the apartment, digging her phone out of her pocket. 

 

“Ging?” She sighed into the phone. “Can you come pick me up?” 

 

xx

 

_ day twelve  _

 

Katya managed to force the front door open after it got stuck, again. She let out a slew of curses under her breath as she tripped over the runner. 

 

“...You broke her heart first so don’t you dare come crying to me about your broken heart. Katya is the best person I know and she forgave you for standing her up. She gave you the benefit of the doubt rather than kick you to the curb like I would’ve done.” Violet’s voice rang out from the living room and Katya’s heart plummeted when she heard a sharp intake of breath that could only be Trixie’s. 

 

“What’s going on here?” Katya was rather proud of how her voice didn’t shake. She couldn’t place her finger on the maelstrom of emotions stirring beneath her ribcage. Anger, fear and pain spiraled tightly around her heart making it hard to breathe. 

 

An almost cruel smile curled up one corner of Violet’s mouth. “Trix and I were just having a little chat.” 

 

Before Katya could even fully comprehend the expression on Trixie’s face (mortification, devastation, etc.), the blonde pushed her way out of the apartment 

 

Katya stared at the open door for a long moment. Trixie had taken her coat when she ran out. She blinked numbly, struggling to breathe under the mounting stress in her chest. 

 

She finally managed to spin around to face Violet. “What the actual fuck was that?” She snarled, advancing on her friend. 

 

Violet shrugged a shoulder noncommittally. “Trixie needed a wakeup call. I was merely helping her out.” 

 

“You fucking bitch, Violet, what on goddamn fucking earth gave you the right to say anything to her? This is our lives and you had no right to say anything to her!” It was like an out of body experience practically. Katya never yelled. She barely even got angry 95% of the time. But Violet had crossed the line so far that Katya could happily strangle her in that moment. “Get the fuck out.” 

 

“Katya,” Violet said as she stepped towards Katya, “Don’t you get it? It’s not going to happen. She doesn’t love you. You need to grow up and realize that this isn’t a story. Pull your head out of the clouds and see what’s going on. You need to stay away from Trixie. She’s bad for you. You need to move on. I was just helping her along.” 

 

Katya managed a few shaky gasps of air. “You said she had a broken heart. A broken heart, Violet. Why would she have a broken heart if she didn’t have feelings for me?” 

 

Violet rolled her eyes. “Do you hear yourself? You’re acting pathetic, Katya. You’ve been so hung up on Trixie for years. She has never given an indication of any sort of feelings so you really expect me to believe that in the, hm, six months since I last saw you her feelings have changed dramatically. Grow up, Katya. I’m not your fucking caretaker.” 

 

“No, no, you’re certainly not.” Katya’s voice dropped an octave, losing the frantic pitch from earlier. It remained steady as she spoke. “You’re just a selfish bitch who can’t see beyond her own nose. Don’t you dare talk to me about acting pathetic. At least I have tried to tell Trixie and at least I haven’t lied to her face. At least I never did to her what you did to Pearl.” The color drained from Violet’s face and her eyes narrowed to slits. “Get the fuck out of my house. I don’t want to hear from you unless it’s an apology.” 

 

“Fine, whatever, Katya.” Violet swept past her, but she paused at the door. “Katya, this comes from a place of love. I don’t want you to make the same mistakes as me.” 

 

“Just leave, Violet. I don’t want to fucking listen to you anymore.” 

 

Katya sank onto the couch as the door clicked behind Violet. She could smell the lingering hints of Trixie’s perfume in the blanket draped over the back of the couch. Katya desperately pulled it off and wrapped it around herself. As she pulled it off, a notebook fell onto the floor. 

 

Katya scooped it up and let it rest in her lap. It was clearly Trixie’s neat handwriting. The words at the top of the page read:  _ Break Your Heart _ . Katya felt as if her heart was lodged in her throat. 

 

_ I know I meant it, although I never said it _

_ I was only buying the time  _

_ Just take a second to wind your watch and set it _

_ We were only running behind _

 

Katya traced over the words slowly. She thumbed through the other pages and some pictures fell out. There were some of Trixie with her older brother and little sister from when they were small. Trixie grinned a jack-o-lantern smile in one that tugged on Katya’s heart. Some were of her, Kim, Pearl and Trannika from their early college years. Eventually, Katya started appearing in them: her 21st birthday, graduation, etc. Each photo was meticulously labeled with the date, location and people in it. 

 

Two photos were stuck together and the back of one read:  _ New Years  _ with a small heart next to it. Katya carefully pried them apart, wincing at the sticky sound. When the photos finally fell apart, Katya almost stopped breathing. 

 

It was her and Trixie, framed beautifully by fairy lights. But they were kissing. As in full on, on the mouth, probably with tongue, kissing. Trixie’s hand was clearly in her hair while Katya cradled her jaw. 

 

Katya had no memory of this. The past New Year’s Eve had been messy. She had blacked out early. She had vague recollections of making out with somebody, but she chalked it up to her tendency to kiss strangers when she was drunk. 

 

She had kissed Trixie. She had kissed Trixie. And Trixie never said anything. Right? 

 

xx

 

_ five months ago, New Years _

 

Katya curled around Trixie, letting out a pitiful moan. “Trixie, Trix, Trixalicious, you need to wake up.” 

 

Trixie let out a groan of sorts. “G’way, Katya.” 

 

“Noooo, you need to suffer with me.” 

 

“You’re the worst.” Trixie snuggled further into Katya, pulling the blanket over both of them. “S’not my fault you drank too much.” 

 

“Shut up. You’re too loud.” 

 

“And you’re too sweaty, we’ve all got issues, mama.” Trixie fell silent as she played with Katya’s fingers splayed over her stomach. “How was your midnight kiss, Kat?” 

 

Katya propped her head up on Trixie’s shoulder. “Didn’t have one, did you?” Trixie’s cheeks flushed a bright pink. “Oh, you did! Tell me! Tell me!” 

 

“It was...magical.” 

 

“That’s gay, Trixie.” 

 

Trixie’s cheeks burned an impossible red. “Shut up. It doesn’t matter. Somehow I doubt it’ll happen again.” Trixie rolled further onto her side, casting her eyes downward. 

 

“Aw, where’s my favorite romantic gone? You’ll find your mystery lady, it’ll be like Cinderella.” 

 

“Just leave, please, Katya.” 

 

xx

 

_ present day… _

 

Katya’s fingers curled around the edge of the photo. “God, I’m such an asshole.” 

 

She stood her feet, shoving the photo into her pocket. A moment later she remembered that Trixie had left. She needed to find her. 

 

She burst out of their apartment, her eyes wild as she looked around the hallway as if Trixie would appear. 

 

Katya nearly ran somebody over as she ran down the stairs. 

 

“Hey, where’s the fire?” The other woman chuckled. 

 

“Have you seen a blonde? Like really, really pretty? Looks like a Barbie?” 

 

“The crying girl? Yeah, she was in the parking lot.” 

 

“Thank you!” 

 

“Shangie, get your ass up here, girl!” 

 

The stranger rolled her eyes at the voice from the floor above them. “That’s my cue. Good luck with your girlfriend.” 

 

“Not my…” Katya trailed off. She didn’t have time for explanations to ‘Shangie’. “Whatever.” She continued running down the stairs, taking the last set in a dramatic leap, wincing as the impact rolled through her knees. 

 

She tore through the lobby out into the parking lot. She scanned for Trixie’s car, but it wasn’t there. 

 

“Fucking hell. Where’d you go, Mattel?” 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol i'm back back back back again team. 
> 
> bringing you all the angst and unnecessary drama you could want. 
> 
> hopefully there will be another update soon, but third year is kicking my ass. 
> 
> come say hey @ pinktrixies on tumblr. 
> 
> much love, b xx


	9. the sea was angry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Featuring self-deprecating!Trixie, the North Woods, crying and pancakes!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from "the marine biologist"

**chapter ix. the sea was angry that day**

 

_ day twelve _

 

Trixie could only manage short, harsh intakes of breath as the tears slowed on her cheeks. She was just emotionally exhausted above everything else. She wasn’t sure if she could keep taking hits like this. 

 

How did it end up like this? How did she end up crying in her car, hiding away from everybody? 

 

The physical ache remained a near constant pressure against her heart. 

 

She stared with red rimmed eyes in the rearview mirror. She needed to get away from all of this. She needed to process the fact that she was painfully, deeply in love with her best friend. And said best friend had tried to tell her that she had feelings for her, but Trixie had beyond fucked it up. 

 

How had Katya ever forgiven her? 

 

Trixie could vaguely remember who the girl had been that Katya had apparently seen her with. She was in one of Trixie’s music theory classes and they had been studying for an exam and one thing led to another. She didn’t even remember Katya asking her to dinner. They had spent so much time together at one point it just all blended into one memory. 

 

But still, she was an absolute asshole without even knowing it. 

 

The image of Katya staring at her and Violet in horror burned against her eyes. 

 

Trixie fumbled with her keys for a second before managing to start her car and peel out of the parking lot. She needed to get away from here. 

 

Her eyes burned from the tears she had shed, but she just blinked rapidly as she drove. Before she even realized it, she was sitting in front of the house Kim and Bob shared. Trixie hiccuped a bit as she jammed her keys into her jacket pocket. As she inhaled, her heart shuddered again. She smelled like Katya. 

 

Trixie glanced down at the coat she had grabbed. It was Katya’s. Fresh tears sprung to the corners of Trixie’s eyes. 

 

“I’m such an asshole.” 

 

There was a tapping at her window that caused Trixie to jump in her seat. She twisted around and found Bob standing there. She rolled down her window. 

 

“Hey there, Trix,” Bob began cautiously, “Whatcha up to?” 

 

Trixie opened her mouth for a moment, then closed it, then burst into tears. “I’m sorry!” 

 

Bob’s smile slipped and he pulled her door open. Trixie hung her head as he laid a large hand on her shoulder. “Trixie, girl, what’s going on? Do you want me to grab Kim? Or I can call Katya?” At the sound of Katya’s name, the sobs resurfaced. “Okay, Trix, I have work in like, fuck, like, 20 minutes, so I’m gonna grab Kim, or can you just come inside with me?” Trixie nodded and pushed herself out of the car. Bob looped an arm around her waist. Trixie’s head fell onto his shoulder, desperate for the warmth of his body. 

 

God, she was pathetic, wasn’t she? 

 

Bob pushed open the side door and called for Kim. 

 

“Bob, you have work, what are…” Kim trailed off as she took in Trixie. Trixie was sure she looked a right mess, still in her pyjamas, eyes burning red, clutching desperately at Katya’s coat. “Trixie!” 

 

“Sorry to just drop by,” began Trixie, her voice cracking from the earlier tears. “I just needed to not be at home.” 

 

“What happened? Did you fight with Katya?” Kim dragged Trixie over to the couch, quickly wrapping her up in a blanket. 

 

“Trix, hope you feel better. I’ll be back after work,” called Bob from the door, his dark eyes sad as they rested on Trixie. 

 

“Thanks, Bob,” Trixie croaked out. She wiped at her cheeks with the corner of the blanket. 

 

Kim stood in front of her, arms crossed over her chest. Her makeup was half done, lipliner just beginning to trace her lips. “Now, what’s happening? You haven’t responded to any of my messages in like 5 days! What happened on your date with Milk? Didn’t you like her?” 

 

Trixie stared up at Kim with wide eyes. “Milk stood me up.” 

 

“Oh.” 

 

“Yeah, oh.” Trixie sighed heavily. “Thanks a lot for that, Kim.” 

 

“How was I supposed to know that she wouldn’t show up? I thought you guys would be good together. And you need to get back out there. Or you need to get over your thing with Katya.” 

 

“I don’t have a thing with Katya.” 

 

Kim rolled her eyes. “Sure, Jan.” 

 

“Kim! I’m having an emotional crisis here! And your stupid friend stood me up and Katya and her stupid girlfriend had to come pick me up. And then Katya stopped talking to me. And I broke her heart in college and I’m an asshole.” 

 

“Yes, yes, you are.” 

 

“Kim!” 

 

“What?” 

 

“You should be nice to me.” Trixie pouted. “Everybody’s being so mean to me.” 

 

“You’re being overdramatic.” 

 

“Nuh-uh. Your stupid friend, Milk, Violet, Katya, the ‘poet’.” Trixie threw up a set of air quotes. “You.” 

 

Kim sighed, “Trixie, not everything is about you.” 

 

“I didn’t say it was.” 

 

“Yes, yes, you did. Everything’s always about you.” Trixie blinked slowly. She could see Kim speaking at her, but she couldn’t comprehend her words. Kim was right. She did make everything about her. She needed to leave. She needed to be away from everybody. “...Did you even know that I’m meant to be flying out to New York to work on a special project? No, of course not, because you were too busy wallowing.” Trixie stood suddenly, surprising Kim. 

 

“I should go,” mumbled Trixie. “I’m sorry. I’m a shit friend. I’m sorry. Tell Katya and everybody I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, Kim.” Trixie pulled Kim in for a quick hug, her face buried in Kim’s shoulder. She muttered another apology before turning away. 

 

She rushed to her car, her mind racing. She turned her car on and by some miracle of fate, there was a almost full tank of gas. Trixie checked her phone for a moment. 

 

**Katya Zamo (4) Missed Calls just now**

 

**Katya Zamo: Where r u??**

**Katya Zamo: Trixie!!!**

**Katya Zamo: Trixie, we need to talk.**

**Katya Zamo: I want to explain. I need to talk to you.**

**Katya Zamo: Where did you go??**

**Katya Zamo: I sent Violet away**

**Katya Zamo: She shouldn’t have told you all that**

**Katya Zamo: Trixie, I’m sorry. Where are you?**

 

Trixie dropped her phone onto the passenger seat as it started ringing again. 

 

She drove with a single minded purpose, ignoring the outside world. The city soon faded away and gave way to empty fields. 

 

The childish part of her thought ‘horse’ and ‘cow’ everytime she passed one. She and her siblings used to count cows as they drove and Trixie yearned for those days. 

 

Sooner than she expected, she was approaching the old dirt road. She slowed down and she felt like she could breathe again. The fresh air filtered through her open window and it smelt like home. 

 

She pulled to a stop, the gravel crunching under her tires. Trixie swiped at her eyes once more before climbing out of the car. The sun had just started to drop in the sky and the front light of the small home was lit up. 

 

Trixie smiled slightly as she took in the sight of her grandmother’s yard decorations. A cheerful gnome waved at her as she walked to the front door. 

 

She knocked once, twice, and then waited. 

 

The door swung open, revealing a short woman. 

 

“Trixie!” 

 

“Hey, Mom.” Trixie smiled tiredly before letting her mom pull her into a tight hug. 

 

xx

 

_ day fourteen  _

 

Trixie shuffled her way out into the kitchen, running a hand through her unruly hair. She could smell the pancakes from the bedroom she used to share with her brother and it finally roused her from bed. 

 

“G’morning, sweetie,” her mom greeted from the stove. Her younger sister barely glanced up from her pancakes. “Are you feeling any better?” 

 

Trixie would’ve liked to think that she had been incredibly mature when her mother had hugged her and talked about her issues like a grown-up, but in reality she had sobbed like a child and could barely speak for a few hours. 

 

Her mother had held her and hummed lullabies from her childhood until Trixie had settled down. 

 

Trixie felt numb. She had ruined everything almost three years ago. She had unknowingly strung along her best friend and broken her heart. Trixie couldn’t face Katya. She didn’t deserve her. 

 

She barely reacted as her mother put a plate of pancakes in front of her. 

 

Her sister was speaking to her, but Trixie quite honestly wasn’t listening.  

 

The phone rang in the background. 

 

“Trixie! Trixie!” Her mom was calling her name. “Trixie, answer the phone.” Trixie blinked, then shook her head to clear it of the regrets she carried with her. 

 

She grabbed the phone off the wall, cradling it on her shoulder. 

 

“Mattel residence, Trixie speaking.” 

 

_ “Trixie! _ ” 

 

She almost dropped the phone. “Katya?” 

 

_ “I found you, finally! I’ve been looking everywhere for you!”  _

 

Trixie’s mouth fell open. No sound came out of her mouth. She dropped the phone, letting the cord swing precariously until it hit the wall. 

 

_ “Trixie? Trixie? Are you there? _ ” Trixie stared at the phone as Katya’s voice continued to come through, albeit muffled and cracking.  _ “Trixie, look, I need help. Like really, really need help. C’mon, Trixie, I’m sure you hate me or whatever, but I need you.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we are nearing the finish line, team! also, given that this originally intended fluff ball has turned into a distinctly angsty mess, i think i will re-do the original concept, but without the drama and angst, if ya'll would be into that ? 
> 
> come yell at me @ pinktrixies on tumblr.
> 
> much love, b

**Author's Note:**

> hope you all enjoyed! this is just the teaser, the build-up to the rest. the rest will certainly be steamier and more tension building and who knows how long either can really last? ;) 
> 
> just for the record, i'd advise against ever playing Gin Flinch as it literally means taking gin shots until one of you pulls a face at the taste, so not pleasant, but you do you.
> 
> come bother me on tumblr @ pinktrixies
> 
> much love, b


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